O.k. I'm going to have to dig deep to keep on doing this job that i just started last week. I worked 57 hours. Two days I worked ten hour days. I got off one night at 1 A.M. and got home around 2....had to wash my uniform, shower.. and then be back in by 8:30 a.m. It takes me 45 min each way, there and back. I had a total three hours of sleep before going back in on Saturday morning. I have to wear all kinds of gear for my protection. heavy shirt jacket... plus my own tank top underneath work pants...6 inch steel toed boots, kevlar sleeves over the shirt and kevlar gloves. ear plugs, hard hat cap, and goggles over my own glasses...They won't let you wear contacts. And hot!! I have tow fans on me.. It is robotic welding and it's not like traditional. We are a weld shop that supplies metal parts for use for a big name auto manufacturer. It in non union so the pay isn't there..plus I'm under the temp agency anyways right now... don't even know what the perm. workers make...and like I said it isn't traditonal welding that you train under someone like a journeyman.
I have broke down and almost cried a couple of times. Because once I was too slow at the end of the night at clean-up time. I'm way too emotional. I know... and the lead guy wasn't mean or anything.... he said Just don't clock out after 15 after after the shift..........cause the company does't like to pay the overtime. I was overwhelmed.. Just learning the shut down routine. I have two lines to shut down each night...with production totals and quality assurance checks on the parts. .. and clean up...all to do in ten minutes..well I guess till 15 after if need be. The line's production was already behind when I started working on them...and now... I feel a lot of pressure to be up to speed. Somoen has to relieve me for breaks and lunch becaushe lines are so far behind.
And then I got in troble for taking too long for a break. I just about burst into tears then too. But I calmed down. I reset my watch to the time on the factory clock and now write my leave time on my hand so I remember what time I left. I feel like the lead man now thinks I'm slow and a slacker.
It is the same thing over and over all evening and night long. The same production. He said it will take a couple of weeks to get up to production speed. that is if the other line I have to watch doesn't give me fits and I have to stop the line I work on to fix it. I odn't know if I can continue. The job is not just a second shift job...but with the ten hour days...it is almost.. a third shift job too when I start at 4:30 and get off at 3:00 A.M. then the drive home. .
This coming week I take the kids to vacation bible school. So that will cut into my sleep time.
So I'm going to have to dig deep with some visualization to get through this job. I know it only has to be temporary ..not my life's work.. which I have never really had that anyways... I would love too have some kind of job that I just love..but I have never felt that way and have never found a talent I could make into a career either.
I need this job if I decide to leave my husband.. He is not as controlling as he used to be.... but he is still spending too much money... and I've tried and tried to talk with him... Now that I've started working ...he hasn't been. He felt the need to be home early yesterday... and cut his day short....saying that he was worried about the kids. My mom who isn't in the best of health lives on the same property as us in a little house. My daughter is going into the seventh grade and my son is 5. My other two girls were at girl scout camp. I live in a small town where my sisters and brother live too. If my daughter needed anything ....they would be right there. But he felt he had to be there.....too. I just saw on the internet where he bought about a 100.00 worth of stuff and also our bank account..he went out to eat. I should say something...but it was father's day. our Anniversary, and his birthday this week. At least this year I dind't get a card form him saying "I know it has been rough the past (insert # of married years here) but it will get better". Why am I busting my butt being tired at a hellish job, not seeing the kids.... only to not get any further ahead and out of debt? If the money problems don't get taken care of (and they haven't in the past 15 years) ...I'm going to leave....in fact.... I was hoping to get out of debt .....then leave. So I'm pretty sure I'm going.
O.k. so I need to use some visualization techniques. When I'm getting ready for work...I should see myself at my job.. running smoothly and quickly. Fixing the machines easily. Smiling....
And when I'm at work...I should pass the time away...seeing myself out of debt, more independent...and linking this job to maybe other better jobs....or that the job may help me get back to school .
It looks like I may be doing one lesson a week now. But that is o.k. We are all doing this at our own pace and I'm not quitting.