shadesofdallas: 2010-06-22

says:

That's a tough one. I will simply relate to you a story of how I handled a similar, albeit very different situation recently.  My friend, who suffers from PTSD from his military service, was letting me stay with him in exchange for helping him with his day to day errands when I was not working (he can not drive). The relationship was co-dependent by nature although we were both fine without each other before this arrangement.  As we grew more dependent on each other, I was in an accident and was not able to work so was simply used as his chauffer when I was not in rehabilitation.  This caused more and more strain on our relationship as I felt more and more used, but appreciated less and less.  One night, he decided that he would list all of the things that he did not like about how I acted in our relationship without taking note of any of the ways that it is to his benefit. 

I decided right then and there that we could not have the type of relationship that we had been having if this was going to be the status quo, and although I know there would be an apology and an attempt to move on, I would always have in mind the things that were said that night which would build more tension.  I moved out and made sure that he knew that this was not the end of our friendship, just the end of us living together.  I still believe he has no idea what was said that night, and I don't mind that it stays that way.  Since then, we communicate regularly, see each other regularly and I even give him rides places every once in a while.  Our friendship is fine, but it is no longer the co-dependent relationship that we had before and I do not live with any resentment about not being appreciated.  He has even expressed feelings of "needing me" to help him through certain things.  I acknowledge his feelings, but at the same time let him know that I need to take care of myself and he needs to do the same.  5 months after I moved out, our relationship is great and we are closer than we ever were before I moved in with him, but it is a much healthier relationship on my end because I am not forced to feel bad.

I hope this helps.

nameless999: 2010-05-17

says: I think you have to take it one day at a time. You have to get comfortable with yourself and realize you are okay without him. Knowing you will survive and still be happy without him will help you ease up. I think being here and working on tools is the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship right now.