My Life......

So this is my first blog here. If I had to sum my life up into one word, I would have to say...rollercoaster...maybe two words...lol!

I suffer with really bad anxiety and paranoia, panic attacks, severe depression, and I'm bi-polar. Luckily, I still have my sanity...lol! I learn to control it, plus I take meds. I'm also a diabetic with degenerative disk disease. I tak einsulin and I have a hard time standing or walking for long periods of time. Sometimes I use electronic carts in Wal-mart, and my wheel chair at other times. then  at other times I can walk further. So, there you have it. I'm also way overweight, which I'm working on it. I'm actually trying to see if I can have the gastric bypass. Thank God I can still get around. I would die if I couldn't. I'm only 28 years old. I mean, come on...lol

I'm married. That's all I can say about that:(

My dad died in 2003 and I haven't gotten over him. I miss him so much. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. My mother still lives in the South, where I'm originally from and miss like crazy. This snow is awful.

I'm a great listener. I usually meet people who have so may problems and never someone who can listen to me as well. Sometimes I need to talk too. Sometimes I just need a friend. My sil is my bestfriend, but she lives her own life and doesn't always have time, however, if I really need her, she's there. Thank God. I don't mind being ther for anyone because I like to do that and I feel it's what I'm supposed to do, but lately I've needed a friend too. I'm sure yall understand what I mean.

My childhood was full of mental and physical abuse and it's affected my whole life. I'm trying to find a way to just forget it. I know that's not going to happen. I just want peace of mind, you know. That's all I ask.

I believe in God and I always will.

I was a lesbian for 6 years of my life. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I met my husband on a chatline. Yes, he was my rebound and this marriage hasn't been pleasant. I know in my heart what I am and who I am, and it's a struggle everyday for me. I just figured he was saying the right things at the right time and he meant them. Well........

I just want to be happy whether it's with a man or woman. I mean, if it's a man I'm supposed to be with, where is the right one.

Anyway, I'm just having a down kind of day and I'm sorry if this is long and boring. I just have a lot to sort through if I'm going to be happy and live a good life.

You know, I wish people realized, I need love too. Oh well, I'm going to keep giving it, no matter what. That's just my heart and no one is going to take that away:) 

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Tags: life, Depression, need a friend, lonesome, confused