I'm just not happy. With anything. I never feel like I'm enough.
It's not even really about feeling. I'm just not enough. I'm disgustingly fat, uninspired, uncommitted, uninvolved, and practically a hermit because I'm so embarrassed of who I have become. When I wake up in the morning the first thought in my head is how gross I am. The last thing I think about at night as I lay in bed alone (we never go to bed at the same time) is how weak I am for not being able to show some self control. Everything I do is disappointing.
Trust me...I have plenty of reasons to better myself. I think about those reasons everyday. I stare them in the face and grab an extra slice of whatever is for dinner as I can see the look of disappointment on their faces while they watch me. Gross. How can I do that?
I'm committed to this program. It looks like me light at the end of this very dim journey.