I am going to keep my story and everything public in hopes that I will not limit those that may have key advise or encouragement to help me on my way.

I've always had a problem with depression and a negative self-image. I have damaged my marriage with my lovely wife and caught myself contemplating ending it all. 

At this point I realized that I cannot ever have a truly nurturing relationship if I have no real love for myself.

To this end I am beginning here to change my outlook on life and my attitude toward myself. At the same time my wife and I are working to repair our relationship as I retrain my habits.

I am going to keep my story and everything public in hopes that I will not limit those that may have key advise or encouragement to help me on my way.

I was raised in a hyper-religious household where religion comes first and family a distant second. There was little to no loving interaction.

As a child I bonded with my much older brother who did not fit the mold set out by my parents. Just after my 13th birthday my brother was killed in an auto accident and I attempted suicide and later slipped into very heavy drug use for three years. At 16 I overdosed and after being released from the hospital stopped drug use entirely.

I married at age 19 to a wonderful woman and set out undermining that marriage with it ending 5 years later. At this point I revisited substance abuse in the form of alcohol. I entered rehab for alcohol dependancy 2 years later and have not gone back to substance dependancy since (18 years and counting!).

I remarried at 27 and really put my all into being the husband I should be with variable success. My wife, however, didn't share my passion for working at our relationship. I took it very personally and felt as though it was my fault that it was not going well. By the time the marriage ended after 7 years, I was a total wreck.

I met my current wife after my previous marriage crumbled and we have been together for almost 11 years. As my lack of self-confidence has not recovered from my second marriage I tend to be rash, distrustful and non-communicative. My wife also has her issues (doesn't everyone?) but all in all is very supportive and loving. She is my strength when I am weak.

I will learn to love me and in the process be more loving and approachable to those around me. I will use these tools to become the husband and man that I have the potential to be.