Day 90...Where I was, Where I am and Where I'm headed

To understand where I was I need to provide a little background info.  I am single, never married and have been in and out of a few relationships over the course of my adult life.  A year to the day ago I received a phone call from a woman that I had seen on and off for a few months.  I had lost touch with her and the relationship (if you can call it that) was casual at best.  She gets in touch with me after 12 weeks or so of me not being able to reach her and tells me that she is pregnant and that I am the father, and that she intends to have an abortion.   She proceeds to lead me down a road where represents(via phone and texts) that  she has gone through with the abortion.  After about 6 weeks or so,  I get a message from her that she did not go through with it and is now intending to give the child up for adoption.   The fact that I have myself in this situation is many things and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and at this point I will simply ask that you not pass any judgment.  Looking back on this experience I have only one regret with regard to my actions after her original communication with me and that is simply not fighting for life regardless of the costs after finding out her intentions were to have an abortion.  As fate would have it she did not go through with the abortion and with the help of a really good lawyer, my family and some incredible friends I managed to make a lot of tough and good decisions through this mess.  The day this all started for me was July 5, 2009 and I was not in a good place with my life, I had a good job, but was not really committed to it, I had friends, but I really did not appreciate them, I had a close family and did not appreciate them and most of all I did not treat myself in anything resembling a healthy manner.  I had stopped working out, was eating like crap and simply stated just was not very inspired to live every day.    The soul searching I endured from July to December of last year was a difficult journey to say the least as I(with the help of friends and my attorney) tried to fight for my rights within the legal system to make sure the best interest of this child were taken care of.  A baby girl was born in October and through a lot of legal maneuvering (October through March) I was able to get a DNA test done to make a determination of paternity.  The baby had been adopted with the mother completely disregarding my rights as the possible father.  The DNA test came back negative.   I have left out so many details, but simply stated the experience left me in a state of not being able to have faith that there are good people out there who do the right thing.  Like I said at the beginning of this blog I have few regrets with regard to my actions after finding out this information in terms of trying to do what was best given the hand I had dealt myself.  Candidly when my attorney called with the DNA results I was both sad and relieved at the same time.  A substantial amount of emotional resources were invested through this process.  I believe that things happen for a reason and maybe this was the kick in the ass I needed to reclaim the life I know that I can lead.   So that’s where I was or at least where I was just before starting this journey in TTL.

And here is where I am:

Today some 6 months after starting this program here is how I see myself:

More energized (My days start regularly before 6AM and I truly look forward to the day in front of me)

More organized (Personally my home is cleaner and more organized than it has been in years; professionally I have a renewed sense of focus and purpose)

More appreciative(I recognize the simple things throughout the day and truly appreciate them, whether it’s smell of spring and summer in the air or the sounds of my favorite singers in concert or anything that brings a smile to me through the day)

A better attitude (It’s not perfect, but I am looking for the good in situations and people)

More engaged (Positive does attract positive, a simple smile or looking someone in the eyes has such a positive impact on my day and those around me, I do notice the difference)

Professionally/Work:  I am more engaged with my work than I have been in years and am grateful and proud of what I do.  The work that I do with my clients in the financial world is important and valuable and the companies I work for are outwardly appreciative of my work.

Healthy (This is a huge one for me, Junk foods gone, booze is gone, sugar and candy is gone, lean meats and vegetables are in, water is in, activity level is off the charts, workouts are a regular part of my schedule and all of this with a consistent purpose from January 7 through today)  

Physical, I have lost a ton of weight.  Friends and family have all asked me how much and I truly do not know as I did not step on a scale when I started and have not stepped on one during.  But my best estimate is between 50 and 75lbs.  I am wearing clothes that I had earmarked for charity because there was literally no way I thought I would ever wear them again.

Where I am going:  it’s pretty simple for me.  I am not going back to where I was!  I love myself as I am and am getting better every day.  I know that today was an incredible experience and tomorrow will be even better.  I am also not so naïve that I think that every day is going to be a bed of roses, but I believe that it’s all about putting things in perspective and trying to find the most optimistic perspective to view any given situation.

This has truly been a great start to the rest of my life,

Happy Independence Day (one day late!)

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