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Join Now Sahndra_om's Breakthroughs
 
Sahndra_om
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Birth Date: Sun, Aug 05 1973

Place of residence:
Salem Oregon, United States (map)

I am: In Relationship

Schools: McNary High

Jobs: I have been a server for about 9 years now. I've worked @ IHOP, Sharie's, and Applebee's. Have yet to break that that 3yr. mark. I am also a mother of 4 wonderful children,3 boys(7,9,&almost 14) 1 girl,13. I am also a loving mate for a very deserving man.


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Tools Program Stats:
Member Since: 07/19/08
Last Login: 10/31/08
Viewed: 10914
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 44
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Sahndra_om's Life List:
To be the best mom I can, because they are the future.
Reach my ideal weight
Own a nice home of my own
Have a fruitful garden/greenhouse
Learn to cook more
Speak and read Spanish
Be able to have time for and pay for my kids to do extracurricular activities.
Travel the world to experience new cultures
Write an inspiring novel
Have a wonderful wedding
Find ways to be of service to others
To own a place that I can showcase/sell my art /jewelry along w/other wonderful artists in my community
Become a healing touch therapist
Always appreciate and enjoy the journey of life
It is no longer in control of me!!

 

 

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  Sahndra_om

Tue, Jul 22 08:51 AM

It is no longer in control of me!!

 

    I am happy to say w/complete honesty that I am a non-drinker!! I do realize that I will always be an alcoholic but I don't like the way that sounds. Instead I will just say I DON'T drink and keep the reasons why to myself.

    Scary to think I could have wasted the rest of my life on that crap! It got so bad that I would black out and this total BITCH (excuse language) would emerge. It got to the point that I never knew when I would black out. Sometimes I would just drink a little and there I went,and other times I could drink all day-a lot- and would be 'fine'. Nothing worse than waking up in the morning not knowing what you did and said last night. Feeling like a peice of shit,having to apologize to everyone,children,friends,strangers. Apologizing to my kids is the worst because they do not deserve to be treated that way. They don't need that awful example for a Mom. After a while apologies become lies because if I was sorry I would not do that anymore,right?!!! I have done enough damage especially w/my older two. They have seen enough! I felt so pathetic,and I was,for repeating exactly what I hated about my step Mom when growing up. Alcohol like a parasite had a hold of me BAD!!

    It took a while to forgive myself for all the crap I have done in the past but I now have. I know that the kids and everyone I love including myself deserve the best ME I can be!! Never thought I would have the courage to change.

    As I write this I can't help but sob. I feel guilt/regret/renewed/proud and solid all at the same time. Tears of joy I guess because that regret and guilt are becoming feelings of the past. I can now use them as stepping stones to a great future. I am mending.

    Thank you Sahndra for standing up for Life!! LOVE AND LIGHT ALWAYS AND IN ALL-WAYS 

 

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