Day 12 and complaining

Ok, ok, so while I love many days in Tools, this is hands down bar none my favorite.

No Complaints!

What could be better?

I've actually had an interesting lifelong relationship with complaining.  I have a memory from childhood.  Well, actually I have a painful trauma seared in my memory!  It was from a day in grade school where all of a sudden my friends all turned on me.  Finally, after a week of being treated like an Untouchable, I confronted one of them: "why are you doing this to me!?"

The answer?

"BECAUSE YOU WON'T STOP COMPLAINING FOR EVEN A SECOND!"

To say I was floored would be an understatement.  I could even pick up a thesaurus and use every synonym for confused, dumbfounded and shocked and I'd probably have to invent a few new words on the side to get the job done.

I had no idea whatsoever that I was doing this and that it was THAT ingrained in my behavior.  In fact, when I asked people to point out my complaints, I found that every joke I made was in fact a gripe grating on their ears.  I was demoralized, but I began to learn.  My awareness shot up and for that I was and am still very grateful.

Fast forward to a few years ago and my girlfriend and I decided to start a little bet.  We'd each carry ten $1 bills with us all the time.  Whenever one of us complained, we'd hand a dollar over to the other.  It sounded exciting, and we got all geared up to give it a go.  Ten minutes later we were both broke.  (She's laughing because she's watching me type this "it was ridiculous") 

Tools came around and as I went through the program I got better and better at shifting perspectives.  I now wear a bracelet around my wrist.  Every time I complain, it switches to the other hand - a physical reminder of what I'm doing.  It's an active interrupt of what is too often a completely subconscious process.  It still happens quite often that I trail off in the middle of a sentence only to leave my conversational partner confused.  Why? Because if I finish what I'm saying, I'm going to be forced to move that bracelet and no way do I want any part of that! :)  And then there are those proud moments when I intercept the brewing negativity before my lips even get the message to speak.

I think you can tell how passionate I am about this subject.  If any of you are up for some fun, try the bracelet.  It is eye opening for sure.

I'll close on a positive note with another story.  One of the most shocking things I've learned in my quest to become aware of complaints is how pervasive they really are.  Pay attention and you'll notice that people bond over them.  Much small talk takes place over shared complaints.  At first, it's REALLY hard to break this.  You realize you're such a fish out of water you may not have much to talk about without your old crutch to lean on.  However, at some point something changes.  You become Mr. or Ms. Happy.  You feel it and everyone else does too.  And then the barriers start to come down and a new world opens up.  Authentic interaction takes the place of arms length stilted dialogue.  And there's nothing more beautiful than that!

Hope you all have a great day!

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