Here I am....Day 7......0ne week down with Tools and everything else as well.
I've enjoyed the group...the lessons....the Cheers and Messages.
It's been a great way to start my day as I wake up early anyway.
Thanks for the encouraging comments on my blog.
Some good things have happened...some bad....some misunderstandings....some perceptions....some spam......
.....but all in all Im Happy to be putting one foot in front of the other today.
Disclaimer: I've been thinking about it, and I want you all to know that I am not talking about my "online" business here to ultimately sell you anything. I merely want to share my thinking as I do it. I am not looking to do anything here except squeeze all I can out of the experience a make positive changes. Thanks !
As I've gone through the week, I've also started looking at myself. After reading my blogs, Ive seen that Truly, one of the worst regrets I have is around time I've wasted, and how I handled my life.
Even you all read what I've done in my life....some good things happened once every ten years, by sheer being at the right place at the right time.
But unless I didnt describe it well enough, I feel badly about not being more functional....more proactive....
I feel badly about wasted time.
Bad emotions, bad relationship decisions, addictions, TV watching and sleeping in front of it every might instead of something like drawing or playing music.
Everytime I see an excellent musician or some creative excellence my eyes swell with tears, as though I'm mourning myself....I can't explain it, but the pain is deep and profound.
I believe I used the word Addiction in this blog...so there it is. It's out. Addiction to Pot.
Addiction to Dysfunctionalism. Addiction to Nothingness.
I know I took the path off bad attitude...weekness, and no self discipline.
I stayed in a relationship way too long....far longer than anybody ever should've. It was dead, dysfunctional, and hurting me daily, but I stayed and stayed. broke up and came back...never being able to see the changes I wanted...because people don't change for each other like that.
I smoked pot and wasted precious LifeTime, and wasted talent, and missed out on tons and tons.
I did learn at an early age that if I (1) Got excited about something like playing guitar (2) Did it every day and stayed really excited about it instead of go out and play with the neighborhood bullies that taunted me anyway day and night.....
....that I got good at stuff, and I had something to show for my time and effort!
It was one of my favorite strengths!
I played day and night. It wasnt hard...I played with an inner fire that made it so easy. I played 2 to 8 hours a day for years.
If I drew, I drew hundreds of pictures. I wanted to be a medical illustrator, but my Guidance Counsellor talked me out of it!
Boy, do I regret listening to her! Bitch!
She didn't get what she was "snuffing out" but she did! I had a stack of drawings that looked like Fritz Netter wannabes. at least she shoulve rechannelled me into a direction instead of turning me off altogether.
Dumb Me to let her.
Anyway.......I realize that good things can happen to any of us. I realize that success and your dreams are really Closer to you than you think!
Supermusicians are just regular people like us....and whether or not you have a good experience is due to knowing someone, or being around someone else's success.
I recently saw an article about an Australian girl who graduated from music college, anfd she was chosen to play with Jeff Beck! It killed me to think that Jeff beck knows tons and tons of good old boys in England, but he picked some young girl from college!
It's right there for the pickin' . All ya have to do is be your best, and stay in your "Station"....doing what you know you shouild, and the opportunity CAN and most likely WILL come your way!
Most of the good things that have happened to me was because I was just in the right place in my life....producing ME. I was in my station! I was following the path as it unfolded in front of me because I was working for it!
OK. I know that there are some of you that can write me some comforting words about forgiving myself....or how the path unfolds in front of me, and it's all OK....."Just Be At Peace" with this energy flow and that.....and I understand.
But thats my pain, and it flows out of me and thats that! I realize I can forgive myself, chaulk it up to learning, and that the future lies before me, and thats where I can start to grow in new directions.
I take responsibilty.
I didnt practice, I watched TV.
I didn't say.....This is hurting me, Im leaving.....I stayed and decided that I wasnt worth the trouble of leaving a bad relationship.
I wasted time, money and brain cells on pot.
(When I hear people defend marijuana as a safe drug, I know in my heart that it is most definitely NOT. First of all, Addiction is the problem. Addiction is the swirling downward sucking toilet with peoples lives at stake.
One can be addicted to Twinkies, gambling, or to shopping on the Home Shopping Channel, but it's still all Addiction.
The very nature of pot...that its a light heady high, and not like other more serious drugs, is exactly what makes it so.....INSIDIOUS.
Secondly, Its True. "Nothing Happens On Pot" is soooo true. I can vouch for that.
Nobody produces what they would in life while they are using pot reguarly. What I can honestly say is that pot seems to magnify the inward majority of ones make up.
If you're lazy...then you become REALLY lazy. If you're a self doubter...then you REALLY doubt yourself. Not to mention...broke.
And thirdly....the most cruel TaskMaster is Addiction. You can spend your last $10 on a bag as small as your thumb, instead of food or rent. Then you smoke it and both are gone, and it sucked anyway!
Ive been there.
When I was clear for 6.5 years, I also saw how that pot was supposed to open us up as musicians, and make us play better!
We just thought so.
As the night progressed in any band I was in, as the others used pot and/or drank.....their playing sank to new lows with each swallow.
By the end of the night, I was glad to escape and go home with my $40 or whatever it was that musicans can get at a club.
I'm still using. Using or obtaining. Thats the road. Get some money...spend it.
I know I'm headed for quitting again.
My freinds talk about it also...but then can't stop.
The right moment will come, and I'll have a breakthrough moment. and I'll quit.
If I go to a gym, (when I can afford it) I might stop to get a good result at the gym. Im like that.
Thanks for reading my words, my thoughts.
Thank You So Much For Your Cheers, and
Looking forward to Breakthroughs and Feeling better about it all.
I'll see ya tomorrow....There was a saying from Maine that tickled me....."It's A Great Life If Ya Don't Weaken!
Tags: pot, obtaining and using, addiction, spending, saving, music, art, talents, Smilinsteve, Guitar, bass, success