I vaguely know who I am. My short term goals are always changing. Therefore, I have a hard time seeing how I should reach my ultimate goals. I am a talented individual with creative ideas. However, just getting going every day is difficult. I know what needs to be done, but motivating myself is a big problem. Once I get started with something I easily see it through to the end needing no further motivation. I just need a push or a deadline or real consequences to get to work. I realize this makes me not do things for myself. I can always be counted on by others, but I can barely count on myself.

In my past there isn’t a whole lot to say. As long as I can remember I never really wanted anything to do with the life I was living. Though there was nothing wrong with it. I never felt I related well with many of my peers. I defiantly didn’t like being told what to do or how to do something, so I did average in school though I could have been among the top students. I never liked team sports, despite being somewhat good at most of them.  The structured environments common in the average child’s life that some people thrive on or learn to accept depressed and stifled me. I like structure but I want it to be to my own design. I purposely secluded myself from my family and preferred to be alone. However, I always desired the company of my friends when I have nothing to occupy myself. I feel this has carried through to the present and accounts for why I desire the companionship and close relationships most of the time but often alienate friends and ruin relationships with girlfriends because I want time alone to work or accomplish anything. Once I get involved in something I involuntarily shut out everything in my life for days at a time. I even forget to eat for days only knowing to eat when I notice my hands shaking. That is just how focused I become. I lose track of time and my ability to maintain healthy relationships. In my past I was very angry. I have given that up and put it behind me. I realize I was angry because I was unhappy. I was unhappy because I was bored. Bored with the daily routines, determined by others, that didn’t, or at least didn’t appear to, benefit me. I was a uniquely independent child and hated how I was treated like the rest of my peers. Later in life, when society accepts people as individuals and not just another child that needs to be kept in line with a homogenous set of rules, I was able to explore what I wanted and who I am. I’m still figuring that out but getting close.

I don’t really know what my future holds but I know what I want it to. All I really want in life is to be happy and content with life. The things in life that are important to me are: a meaningful career I can be proud of, financial security (not necessarily to be rich. I just never want to struggle. Economic woes can ruin anything), good friends I can count on and can count on me, and passion (passion for my work, my life, the people in my life).