trying to take each day just one at a time

i guess its time i tell you why i am disabled i have ostoarthritus very severe throughout most of my body. I had my left knee replaced in june of 2006 and in all reality i hardly have any and in many places no cartilage n the vertibrates in my spine. I also have degenerative disc disease in the advanced stages. And for the cherry on top i have obstructive sleep apnea. I take heavy pain medication and still live with pain..it all began when i was 22 with asprin therapy and just progressed as the disease did. I also have muscle spasms that bring me to my knees at times. And i use a cpap machine when i sleep at night so it kicks in when i stop breathing the many times i do as i sleep at night. the pain it gets to me at times i find myself praying and sometimes crying in the middle of the night when i get up and i hold on to whatever i can grab on to to walk and straighten or steady myself. I get frustrated i cant do all the housework i use to be able to or keep up on all the things i was once able to do..I would have never believed someone 20 years ago if they would have told me i would be like this by the age of 51. But i cope with prayer and drawing inner strenght from my faith and those that are around me that do love me and need me here. I thank god each day when i wake up to see a new day. Even though sometimes its tough not to ask him to take me to a place i will no longer physically suffer so much. But i love life. i love my kids. I love this beautiful world i see ..i know its not all beautiful but i try to keep myself out of the situations or the parts that arent. I know they are out there. But i moved to western kentucky from Tampa after 48 years to slow my pace in life and to raise my son in a place with alot less crime and not moving so quickly. So i have physically accepted i can still do things i just have to kind of handle it like a 4 or 5 speed car.  I  have had to drop down a gear or to. and realize though it takes me longer to accomplish things that once where done so quickly. My life still has purpose. And i am still needed by my kids. And even these little buddies of mine my dog Thunder and two cats and a little hellion kitten named Sparks..I am setting goals to find ways to improve my quality of life. And i will list them and write down when i have found an answer or accomplished each at that time.

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Tags: fear, pain, hope, patience