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Join Now Any advice is welcome. by TheNewMe
 
TheNewMe
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Birth Date: Fri, Jan 18 1963

Place of residence:
Ontario St. Catharines, Canada (map)

I am: Single & Dating

Schools: GED

Jobs: Stay at home mom with part time office work.

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Any advice is welcome.

 

 

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  TheNewMe

Tue, May 20 06:31 AM

Any advice is welcome.

 

K.....here goes.....wasn't going to post this but I feel sending this will only help.

 

I met a man a few months ago in a chat room.  After a bit of time we started talking outside of it.   He was really struggling in his life and I seemed to be able to connect with him and help him through it.   Won't get into what it was as that is personal and I respect his privacy.  As time went on there was more of a connection between him and I so I thought.  I held back telling him anything about how I was feeling (thinking hey I think him and I could work) as he told me he is not dating, needs to get thru alot of personal things and one major one being his X that he was so in love with still.  I  respected what he needed to get through. 

 

I recently found out he has interest in someone, not sure to what degree but hey so be it.  What I am struggling with is, I do believe I was mislead abit, I was given the impression by how he spoke to me that when he got passed all this we would meet etc.

 

To be honest I am bit angry at him.  Maybe he should have watched how he spoke to me because I feel I was given some false impressions.  I know he now realizes  and is sorry for upsetting me.  He wants us to continue our chats and support that we have been for each other.....oh and the laughs.....I do miss that.  Wasn't sure if I could because just won't be the same....I know it.  So last night I saw him on line.......thought about it and started a chat with him, wanted to just talk this through and get on with how things were before.  Well it took him a bit to reply but when he did I was told he was busy but could chat for abit........he had never said that to me before......has always been there no matter what he was doing and I was never made to feel like I was interrupting something.    See......it has already changed.   Well I am sure he will be seeing this blog so  I got out what I wanted to last night when I wanted to talk to him.

 

Don't get me wrong I am not majorly dwelling and pining over this....it just is what it is.   Just feeling abit of a loss/void in missing our chats and laughs. 

 

Thanks to my ToolstoLife family who took the time to read my blog because as alot of us women tend to do is go on and on and on and on and on......see what I mean.....lol.

 

Have a great one!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This post is cheered by:

Wordbird Wordbird Coco Coco Wordsmith Wordsmith Rexo Rexo St_Nick St_Nick


 

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St_Nick St_Nick:

sometimes

communication can be rough because people are not totally honest. 

My personal opinion is that you should spend time with someone who values your feelings. 

sometimes online dating and chat rooms can be tough, because you don't get the real true since of the person.

 

listen to your inner voice and let your conscious  be your guide about people.

 

I am sure I don't know all the details about you friend, but from what you have shared it sounds like it is time to move on...

 

thanks for reading my blog

Wordbird Wordbird:

Don't be a Lifeguard

I have found that often when people are struggling and in a rough space, they welcome support and a shoulder to lean on. As they become stronger, they move to relationships that aren't built on "you hold me up."  (Or, they move to a new person to hold them up).  There's lots of reasons...they no longer want to be seen as needy, they feel better and that changes their needs and perspective, they are embarrassed at all the details they've shared and want to put it behind them, they never truly connected  in friendship but only in need...

 

The important thing is to listen. He's giving you signals your priority in his life has changed. OUCH. That can hurt. Affter all you've really been there for him. It sounds like he does appreciate that....but he needs to move on.

 

Think about future connections. Do you want them built on the "struggle" of the other person? Could you consider making it a Red Flag ...a Stop Light in Tools language...to rush in to make friends with someone who needs a lifeguard? Cuz....lifeguard is one thing. And we can choose to do that. Especially for family and friends, short term. But to make friends on that basis....never works out.

 

Let him go on with his life whether he repairs it (great!) or messes it up again; you become stronger and wiser for the lesson. It sounds like laughing is something YOU really need. Think of ways to bring more of that into your life.

 

And kudos to you for your willingness to share this, ask questions, and notice he's not the friend you hoped he would be.

Chrome Chrome:

It is l.

l did not know about your feelings towards me.

 

l thought that we where only friends. You have helped me so much in me getting on with my life and letting my past go. l thought that was because you where my friend and in return l helped you when l could because we where friends. 

 

l still want to meet you. l still need to give you a hug to thank you for all that you have done. 

 

The rest l will chat with you about it.