I am a 52 yr old woman who lives alone and has very few friends.  I am learning to accept and cope with Type 2 Diabetes, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia.  As well as having Sleep Apnea and being on a CPAP machine with oxygen.  I live on SSI income of less than $9,000 a year but am fortunate to have low income housing that includes utilities as well as basic cable.  I am trying to quit smoking because it is very bad for my health and has negative effects on the financial part of my life.  I also am living with several Psychiatric Disorders and take a boat load of medications to treat all my physical and mental health.

I guess I don't have many friends because I really don't feel that I am worthy enough to have them.  I never really learned the social skills necessary to maintain relationships and friendships.  The friends that I do have I have known for over 20 yrs now.  Most of them I recently got reacquanited with after several decades of no contact.  I am very lucky to have found my childhood best friend again.  I searched for her for a decade and finally found her under another name.  I too have changed my name a lot.  It was in a process of finding myself that I changed my name.  I suppose the name changes were also due to having Multiple Personality Disorder.  That's really fun to live with but in a way I am never alone.  I always have my alternate personalities to interact with.

I don't really know what else to say about myself.  I don't feel sorry for myself, most of the time.  However, there are days when I truly wonder about the hand that was dealt me.  But the powers that be (whomever that is) have decided that this is the life I should live.

My past is full of too much abuse and pain to get into here I suppose.  I had good times as a child with my neighborhood friends for several years, but there was too much moving around, geographically, to have helped me to learn how to attach to others in a healthy way.  

I am hoping that I can learn to have healthy relationships with prople.  I have pretty much given up on having a life partner, so I seek out others to fofill my relationship needs as friends instead of an emotional partner.  I also really don't have what it takes to comprise myself in order to be in a one on one relationship.  I like doing things my way and have a really difficult time having to change myself in order to make another person happy.  I believe that I am solely responsible for my own happiness and that othes should be too.

I can see myself in the future not smoking anymore.  I can also see me learning to take better care of myself and finding that I am worthy of being who I am.  It is just a difficult thing to learn and to practice on a daily basis.