So, you here on relationship day about the two half circles and such. I actually agree with that pretty heavily. I'm currently having trouble staying positive.
I currently don't have a job and am struggling quite hard to pay my bills. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now and somewhat live together. She still makes a decent salary and is helping out with groceries..... but, it feels like crap that she has to pick up the weeks that I am supposed to pay for groceries. We normally split groceries by switching weeks. One week I pay for groceries, the next week she does.
Also, she is in a job that she pretty much hates. That's saying a lot for her, she's amazing and can stay positive through some pretty damn tough stuff. She is also very true to herself and personally powerful. However, with me not having a job... She stays there for the paycheck. Every day she comes home from work quite drained and every day it seems to take up more and more of her attention throughout the night.... sometimes lasting until we go to bed. It's almost like I don't get to be completely with her.
I still have a separate apartment because we believe that alone time is important, and weren't quite ready to move in together until recently. Over the past couple weeks, we had been talking about living together and I have been staying with her every night instead of just every other night. Yesterday she worked from home and we went on a walk and we talked about me moving in, we both wanted it. She told me I could move my stuff in whenever I wanted. Then, later that night.... a stupid... really stupid argument broke out that was my fault. She wanted me to leave (not forever). Later that night she emailed me saying that she thinks she spoke too soon and that she's not ready for that.
The argument came up because I told her about my blog and it seemed like she responded generically... like she didn't actually care. I seem to have a big issue with that sometimes. Other times... not at all. When I take a moment to reflect on the times where I handle that stuff well. (Oh, by the way... I'm probably one of the more emotional guys you'll ever meet. I can be sweet and loving.... and irritatingly emotional.) I seem to handle stuff better when I have more self confidence.... When I feel like I am enjoying who I am, everything in life seems to flow extremely smoothly... and even though I'm emotional by nature, something that would normally hurt my feelings doesn't get taken personally and I look for the good (or opportunity) in it. Some of that does have to do with my relationship though. When I feel like that is stable it seems to make it easier to feel myself and just be me and happy with me. Regardless of other stuff (including no money). Even more interesting to me than that is when I am solid with myself and my personal power... my relationship seems to start to stabilize. Not instantly BAM! perfect... but, interactions with my girlfriend and our kids are more positive, and grow to more deep interactions beyond just words.
Sometimes it's hard to get out of the rut of thinking about the stuff that isn't going the way I would like. For instance... the argument and the impact that it does and will have.
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Take it one day at a time
sometimes we do have to process all those negative feelings bottled up on the inside, in order to be able to let go and say 'I am having a great day'. and life transitions have a way of bringing them all the more into focus. Hang in there.