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anad
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Birth Date: Thu, Jan 04 1979

Place of residence:
Boca Raton Florida, United States (map)

I am: Single & Dating

Schools: Spanish River Highschool, PBCC, Hunter College, Florida Atlantic University

Jobs: Artist, Visual Designer


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Tools Program Stats:
Member Since: 12/03/08
Last Login: 01/03/10
Viewed: 2045
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 3
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I Suffer From

anad's Life List:
to get a job as a teacher
go back to school and get a phd
I want to get back into yoga
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2009-12-18 12:03:19

Croweman

Croweman

BOOST TO BOOST

Here's a boost for you and good luck on your journey.

2009-01-20 20:42:35

BOOST TO BOOST

Wishing you an excellent 2009! :)

2008-12-05 18:47:28

CoachSteele

CoachSteele

BOOST TO BOOST

Glad you are here. Enjoyed learning about you with your story. Start Tools and things will get better day by day. Big Boost...Devlyn

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I recently graduated with my B.A in Arts and Humanities, Philosophy and Art History back in August. Right now, Im looking for a new job. Yesterday was my last day working as a visual designer for a major department store, I was employed there on a temporary basis. I am currently worried about my financial future and I am unsure of what to do next. 

 

What makes this time challenging for me is that I am still picking up the pieces from the huge mess I have made out of my life. I have been clean off of all drugs (except weed) for a year and change. I have no desire to go back to the life I used to live, mostly because things are hard enough without drugs, and I know for a fact that things are only made even harder with them. One of the biggest reasons I am still clean is that it feels good not to be sick all the time. Most of the happiness I feel now comes from me knowing that I am not using hard drugs. When I was on drugs, I was either high or sick, nothing ever really felt "good". Now I get to feel what its like to have a clear mind and I look forward to making it even clearer. I dont even like drinking now, just because I like having a clear head. I dont always feel good and I dont remember it being this hard for me to pull myself out of a funk, but as I see it, I still have a lot of work ahead of me. 

 

To add more challenges to my situation, I live with my parents and one of them is out of work, the other might possibly be losing the job they have now. I want to do something to help, but now I am out of work as well.

 

I must admit that I find it hard to see past all the sadness I still feel these days. I dont ever remember feeling sad like I do now. I used to be so equipped at pulling myself out of these moments. At times, I feel like I have done permanent damage and there is no hope for me, and even though I know that this cannot be true, I am at a total loss as to how I can pull myself out of these moments. Actually, they aren't even like moments, I feel this way at different levels and gradations from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I want to feel like waking up, I want to feel like I can beat this sadness that has is apart of me. I want to feel like I can do anything, but for now, I just want to feel like getting out of bed and confront the world with a smile, but even though so much time has passed, its still so hard for me to do. 

 

In sum, Im trying to learn how to embrace ultimate suffering with a genuine smile on my face .

I joined TOOLS because:
 it was recommended to me by a friend
You are offered your dream job. What job is it?:
 Comic book artist
My favorite wild animal is:
 tiger or bonobo
Why (describe as much as possible):
 They understand group dynamics better than humans. Their laws are more effective than our own and they seem more socially effective than humans.
My favorite domestic animal is (if you choose dog be specific with breed etc):
 My cat Chaos. She is a black cat. My favorite Dog is a Siberian Husky
Why:
 I like Huskies because they are pack animals and their behavior can at times be exemplary to humans.
A famous Chef will prepare anything you want. What do you order:
 something healthy
Why:
 Its not enough for food to just taste good, when it taste good and is healthy, it literally feels good too. I love how good food feels more than anything in the world. If we have to eat to live, food should do good things for us, if food makes you feel bad, I thinks its pointless to eat.
Five people either dead or alive you would have at your fantasy dinner party::
 a Neolithic Priestess, a Buddhist Monk, Soren Kierkegaard, My mother's grandfather, and George W. Bush
Why:
 I'd want to feel embraced by the presence of a Buddhist Monk, inspired by the spirit of a priestess and to be humbled and informed by her neolithic status. Kierkegaard could provide me with insight from his spiritual struggle. My mother's grandfather is someone who could fill in the gaps of my ancestral past more accurately, and it would just be really interesting to see George W. interact with all these particular individuals, not to mention I'd like to get his take on a lot of things, both historically and currently culturally relevant matters. Overall, I want to be informed by all of these individuals during the course of our meal.
If a pilot would fly you anywhere you want, you would go to:
 Peru, Machu Picchu
My perfect slice of pizza is:
 with goat cheese and lots of fresh garlic, maybe anchovies
You are at a bar. You order this drink:
 hard apple cider or club soda... maybe water. It depends on my mood
You are at a coffee shop. What coffee or tea do you order:
 spiced chai, always with soy milk. I think milk is gross.
If a genie could grant you three wishes they would be (separate by commas):
 in school working towards my phd, limitless travel opportunity, just enough money to live happy and comfortably with my loved ones for the rest of my life.
You are going on a long road trip and you can only bring three CD's. Which ones do you bring (separate by commas):
 Buddhist Monks chanting, Gary Numan: New Dreams for old, and Hank WIlliams (Sr.'s) Greatest hits
If I could do anything for my neighborhood today, it would be:
 bring them cupcakes
A sunset I remember:
 two weeks ago the sunset was hot pink. It was awesome.
Any character I could be from a movie, TV show or book would be:
 Leigh Cheri from "Still Life with Woodpecker" By Kurt Vonegut
Why:
 I've read this book more times than I can count over the past 15 years and I find myself always relating to this character.