Ok so I am going to start this blog thing and see if it helps. I am going to leave it open to the public and use it as my journal.
I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months. We were childhood sweethearts, he was my very first boyfriend when I was 12 years old. We both joined e-harmony and reconnected after 25 years. He treats my kids and I wonderfully and it is a wonderful feeling. The problems I am facing are in the past for both of us. I have had nothing but bad luck with men. 80% of the relationships I have had in my life have been abusive in one way or another. Verbally, emotionally, and physically. The last relationship I was in before this one lasted for 3 1/2 years. He was horrible to my kids and I. He treated us like we were the scum of the earth. 4 years ago this past July 31st I left him because he beat the crap out of my son, who was 12 at the time. I walked out on him and decided then and there that I was done with men for a while. I needed to focus on raising my kids and getting my life in order. I needed to work past the hurt and the guilt that I was carrying around. It took me a long time to realize that I was not a bad person, I just chose to be with men that were not good people. They were abusive. I needed to quit picking ones that I thought I could fix or that I thought I could change, that they would be different with me. When I started seeing my current bf everything was great, we were both a little hesitant because of things in the past, but decided we wanted the same things, and we fell in love. Now comes the issues.
We both love each other very much, we have just hit a few stumbling blocks. Communication is a huge issue for us. I am a talker and he is not. He clams up and it is very frustrating to me. I think that talking through things and trying to work them out is better than not saying anything, letting the anger and anymosity (sp?) build until you get in a big fight or argument. Then you get angry, fight, make up and things are fine, but the issues were never talked about and resolved, so then things keep getting brought up and the realtionship falls apart. He thinks that we fight and then it is all fine. We dealt with it, it is a dead issue, we need to move on.
I am having a hard time with it, I think that when you join two people and families together you need to combine your beliefs and the things you do, work through the issues and try to compromise and come up with a medium that uses both of the ways you used to do things and brings them together. I told him tonight that he needs to quit treating me like the enemy, I am his best friend, lover, and life mate. I said we both want the same things in life and that he needs to let the past go. I know his ex wife hurt him, she took him to the cleaners and six years later he is still fighting to spend time with his kids. He had a relationship with a person after he split with the ex wife and she cheated on him and got pregnant by another man, was court ordered to stay away from his children, and he was still talking to her. I told him she needed to be out of his life. She is still in love with him, and by continuing to talk to her, however innocent it was on his part, he was giving her a false sense of hope, I told him if he continued to talk to her that I couldn't continue on in the relationship, he wasn't being true to me and our relationship if he was continuing to talk to her, knowing that she wanted him back. He told her he could not talk to her anymore and she freaked out on him. I stepped in and told her that he had moved on, she needed to stay out of our lives. She is the one that cheated on him and abused his kids. She chose to go and be with the guy she cheated on him with that got her pregnant. They got married and I told her if she ever contacted my bf again, I would call her husband. She has stayed away for over a month now. So that has eased some of the tension. I just don't know how to get him to open up and talk through things with me. How do I get him to understand that I am not like they are? That I don't want or need his money? That I am here, not going anywhere, and I love him?
