Venting, with apologies.

I don't know if it counts as the "big bump," because it was brought on by outside events, but I haven't been here for about a week.

More layoffs at work, and I know my job could be on the line in a few months, or a few months after that. I work for a company that's looking to automate/outsource as much as possible. It's a terrible climate to work in. They fire people you consider friends, then they tell you what an "exciting time it is" to work for The Almighty Company! I have no respect left for anyone above me, and I find it really hard to care about what I do at all.

On top of that, my assistant is on a long vacation and I'm not allowed to have anyone else as a substitute. Which means in addition to the  oppressive atmosphere, I have several hours of extra work to do daily. Several unpaid hours, I should say! Where I work "salaried" = "taken advantage of."

Am I complaining? I guess I am! Or at least venting. In this atmosphere, it's been hard to care about continuing with Tools, and it's been hard to find any time, either.

But I checked in today. Is that a good sign?

Right now I feel trapped. I feel like I'm going backwards into my old thought pattern that said "The odds are stacked against me, and I'm no good at getting out of these situations, and this is life and it's going to suck until the day you die." That's really how I used to think. See why I'm here? That's what I'm up against in my own brain. I had managed to stop that kind of thinking for a few months. I hope this is just a temporary relapse.

Today I am going to go to the mirror very frequently. I am going to look myself in the eye and remind myself that my attitude is my decision. In this situation, this may be the most helpful tool from Tools.

Hope your story lately is better than mine. Sorry, but I had to vent somewhere.

Peace, and best wishes!

-A

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