There has been a funny feeling inside for a few years now. I don’t know if its part of human nature or a piece of my life that has been forgotten, or maybe some one forgot to teach it to me?  There is so little information available to me for me to figure out  what this void is. I have indulged myself into continuous negative thinking, jealousy, hate, envy, and pity. Although looking at my past my life hasn’t been so bad I was always popular and people were always attracted to my personality. It could be caused by some dark times where the choices i made were made by an inexperienced young mind. Any ways I want to get started on kind of an autobiography thinking that it might help my mentality. I come from a seperated family, those of you that come from a broken family can relate when I say it wasn’t pretty. The lies and corruption with in my own family, no sorry my parents mostly, lead me and im sure my siblings into a world that we could not trust. As a young boy at about age 10 or so I needed as much attention and guideance as possible but the war over everything we owned wouldn’t cease entirely until just recently I feel like I have missed a vital part in my life were I should have been learning and screwing up with consequences. I did screw up I screwed up many times but I never have feared the consiquences because then there were none, everyone was too busy fighting for things that to me, didn’t seem to matter. I am now twenty years old and I have been dealing with anxiety and a bit of depression. I have a beautiful girlfriend who is so sweet and comforting, who Im hoping to make my wife very soon. (Ive been told when you know you know) I have also just recently passed my medical aviatioin exam and have been putting money into helicopter school to become a helicopter pilot….. I should be the happiest man alive, I have all the right elements but I cant help dwelling on the past and contemplating this emptiness.. And I know that for the sake of my future and for the sake of my relationship I need a hand up I need to get out of this hole. its time.