Hi, I'm a 45 year old mother of two awesome children, grandmother to 1 beautiful grand daughter. I am a 13 year cancer survivor.  I've been divorced for 13 years also.  I always felt invinceable until I got cancer. Now I worry all the time and feel like I haven't accomplished anything important in my life. My weight has gone up, I don't sleep very well at night, I feel lost. 

I feel like my life was normal until around the age of 10 or so. We moved when I was 10 from a big city to a small rural town.  From that point on I always felt like an outsider.  I was always very shy, had a hard time making new friends. High school was hell, I got in with the older crowd and got pregnant at 16. My daughter was born my junior year of high school. I struggled but did graduate from high school. Things didn't work out with my daughters father and he passed away when she was 5.  I had a new boyfriend by then and we got married. My son was born a year later.  Things were great in the beginning but went bad in a short while. He was very abusive, mentally and physically. My parents are strick Catholic and divorce was not an option in their eyes. We stayed together for 10 years. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I decided life was too short to be so unhappy every day. It was hard- but I left. I bought a house, got a new job, met a new guy.  Life is better. 

I feel like I've come a long way from where I started but I need to work on a positive attitude. I worry everyday about cancer coming back ( I've had 3 reoccurances).  My job pays the bills, but is seasonal and unstable. I need to get motivated to get in shape, lose these extra pounds that make me feel old and unattractive, to enjoy everyday to it's fullest. I've gotten in a rut, I'm unhappy with myself, I hate everything and that has to change! I've pushed my fiance away with my jealousy and bad attitude. He is the best thing to happen to me in a long time and I dont want to lose him.