All about me. That is what life has been up until the last couple of years. I was a self absorbed poor kid from Arkansas who had been molested by his male cousin and a scout master at age 12.

  I had dealt with strings of step-fathers alcoholics or just loser assholes.

  Relationships in my life have always been self-destructive by my own doing. I would find a way to push people away or never let them get close enough to be pushed away.

  I drank a lot in high school and throughout my 20's. I thought it was normal behavior, but it was also masking what I was runnning from.

  I moved in with an aunt at age 12. The same aunt whose son molested me. It was that or put the gun back to my mouth and really pull the trigger this time.

  I always knew it would get better. I knew I was in control, but did not know really how to use that. I joined the Air Force out of high school and began my road to learning about me and the rest of the world.  I remained pretty much a closed book though. I never really completed anything that truly took effort. I have found that I could get by with a little effort and good looks.

  After having an affair on my wife, I broke down and let out all of the abuse and began seeing a therapist. The recovery and life change the last couple of years has been remarable, but not without some occasional backsliding. I am still working on it.

My past:

Closed book, lived inside walls.

Scared to be hurt both physically and emotionally.

Not able to start a conversation.

Shy and scared of big crowds. What if they know what happened to me. Would they laugh?

Set the best example I can for my son. He is the most awesome thing in the world. I want to learn the lessons that make a person strong and teach him early all of the lessons it has taken me 35 years to learn.

Stong, brave both emotionally and physically.

Meet people with no preconceived notions, no walls.

  live without embarrasment about my past. Be proud of where I came from and what I have accomplished so far.