toolstolife.com -

Starting fresh

2012-08-27 15:42:20 GMT

So It's been a long time since I've been on. Life likes to throw things at me and see what I do with it. I have great news. I've decided what I will do for a career. A welder. As well as finding employment..well It found me. The bakery I used to work at expanded and she needs someone she can trust. And thats me! :-) I also learned new recipes while working at an in garage bakery down south. She loved my ideas. All I need now is a sitter and I am on my way. I'm working on getting assistance to help as much as possible. I don't like having to choose between food or bills. I haven't been able to get assistance since I left va so quickly I did not have the paperwork that i needed.

I kinda want to start from day one and do a better job this time. so I'll stay at day 27 until I feel comfortable to continue.

The non-profit is still going but slowing. My partner is 'too busy' and he doesn't like bring a minion to another company..even tho thats the only way we can do it. So IM going to do it on my own. I've made a few friends while going outside as did the girls. so i can make more and maybe they would love to help. Or when I'm more comforable with myself. I will go to the local town meetings and ask them in the community to help me.

There is nothing I can do but oush forward and work hard to get what I want

Rambles

2012-08-13 15:04:52 GMT

Well Coach Steele was right, I hit that giant bump in the road. It seems like with me it's never just one thing. So many bad things have happened that I feel like I'm drowning in negativity and pain. And it is too thick to even more my arms to swim. My computer was hacked so I can't get on everyday like I am supposed to be doing and how i would like to be doing. So I go on with my day trying to stay positive when ALL I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry till it all ends. But, I have to stay strong I have to work on myself. Things wont get better unless I make them better.

With the non-profit, I believe I told you all but, apparently I have to piggy back my non-profit off of another so I am going thru what I was sent to see if I would like to join them. It seems promising other the the CEO's comment. The Chapters president for my area was awesome so I just might. It will have to be a side project since it will take so long to get it up and running. In the mean time my partner and I will be holding a large raffle for the one person we know that needs help. At least with this one we will have time to set up and give everyone a chance to contribute. It will start from Oct 31st to Black Friday.. perfect time I think for all of those in the area to see what we are trying to do and join in. I am excited for that..

that is all the good news I have right now. I hope you all are doing well and thank you again for your support. It is VERY needed right now

not feeling too good today

2012-08-06 19:10:19 GMT

So today was supposed to be motivational..But, for the past two or more days I have been having chest pains. and feeling like this heavy person is sitting on my chest. I did the webmd.com syptoms check and everytime I put in one it came up GO SEEK MEDICIAL ATTENTION! but what if its nothing like gas or heatburn or something. Or if its from the meds I got for my tooth...I don't have insurance so I don't want to go for something stupid. But, everyone is freaked out and my dentist wouldnt set up an appoinment until I went to be seen. Maybe I should...idk. sounds like a waste of time to me

Shopping Ramble WHOO!!

2012-08-03 19:49:46 GMT

Lol. I really love the shopping days especially today's I love to read and I was looking to go to the library today anyways YAY!! I need to get some books on the nonprofit world plus I needed something to read at night! But, it will be hard to stop after 30 minutes..I can control myself tho.

When I spoke with the foundations CEO and Chapters president for New Jersey and the surrounding areas (their main office is in NY,NY) she offered to send me information about their org and info on the proper steps to take to basically piggy back my org off them. I have to present everything to them in order to get their approval. I'm pretty nervous about doing this myself and going to New York city. I've never been. But my partner hasn't responded in over a week. So I'm just going to do it all on my own. I can get this org up and running on my own if not in some aspects then I will find help on my own. I may not know anyone around here but I have to go outside anyways. I could speak with the areas cancer patients or any other individuals that are willing to help. Gotta make friends somehow right?.. :)

In following up with my 5 daily things I could do to improve my life. I have kept the tv off for most of the day so far. The girls and I played with a baby spider (despite my efforts to stay away. Arachnophobia badly!!) We will be swimming shortly and I just got on the computer today to do my TOOLS. The girls and I have had a great day so far. We are working on getting them to follow direction and Listen and doing as told; not what they want to do and them ruling the household. Oh, and my huni woke me up today with breakfast in bed with coffee and juice! YAY!! Lol The talk we had to agree to work together and be supportive of each others efforts to working on ourselves really helped him. He seems happier and I spoke my peace about all the issues I had. As well as his. So he surprises me with breakfast in bed. TOOLS has helped me in so many ways I wish I could give Mr. Steele a huge hug!!

Thank you and have a fritastic day!

20 days of rambling

2012-08-02 18:30:24 GMT

What 5 small things can I do to improve my life daily. 1 Follow the checklist as much as possible. 2 Go outside with my family (to get over the fear and to help them get their exercise and learn) 3 tv off most of the day, 4 get ready for the day like Im going somewhere and 5 only get on the computer for TOOLS and research.

I have been trying to do my best to get better but some things hold me back. Mainly myself. I will not let that happen any more. I have changed things around the house and made a notebook specifically for TOOLS stuff I feel I need to do them more.

Thank you for reading sorry it's not as great today :P

frustrated

2012-08-02 18:20:29 GMT

I feel like an eagel dating a chicken. I know you can't change others if they dont want to be changed. And I m not trying to change him Im trying to help. But man I feel like he's dragging me down. I have a wonderful boyfriend who says he's happy but, his actions speak louder then words. And the only reason he is happy is because I MAKE HIM HAPPY?? I told him you can't rely your happiness on me and that you can't make anyone happy without making yourself happy first. So I told him about TOOLS and he barely tried day 1 before he gave up. He says its not for him with one excuse after the other. Yet I'm trying my hardest to improve myself as he does nothing. I understand the want to change but no urge to do it. Been there done that. But, I feel frustrated and annoyed by him. How can you say your happy when you barely speak and play computer games all day? Then act like what I'm doing is stupid. I don't feel this is healthy for me and what Im trying to do. I'm trying to do so much yet he is frozen whinning cuz he's not working..wanting to do this and do that yet he follows me like a puppy. I get irritated with him so quickly because I'm doing tools, and the non-profit, getting things together for different things and trying to please everyone in the process. And he just stands there. Or if im hurt or upset he is automatically then boohoos until im happy again. I shouldn't have to pretend to be happy when im not just to make him stop acting that way. idk what to say to him. everytime i say something he gets all sad puppy like then jujst talks to me only on fb when Im sitting right freaking next to him. Iguess I'm just venting but Im tired of it all.....How can I improve myself and my life when my partner wants to stay depressed and acts this way.

Non-profit woes

2012-07-31 19:18:14 GMT

So I was talking with many high end people and I found out the hard way that my none profit may not be able to start up. Apparently I am unable to start it up because you are not allowed to start up an org on your own..I don't see why not but ok. The treasurer told me that I have to ask the top org in that field to approve my org before I can do any more. I contacted the org in NY and began to tell them what was up. A very helpful woman gave me some great information and is sending me everything I will need to get that approval. I felt like I was shat on by the government but, I did not let it put me down. I continued to do what I could to start up this org and I will continue to do so. It may take a few years to get the 501 (c)(3) and the irs numbers BUT it will happen. I am passionate about helping people and I will not stop.

I was offered being part of a chapter near by. And other smaller things. The CEO told me that I was doing a great thing. But I was reaching too high..

Seriously?! Reaching too high? That actually made me more determinded to fullfill the nessasary duties to make this non-profit legit and pronouned. I bet when the CEO was starting or asked to join that position no one ever told her she was reaching too high. I may be "no body" to some but I am "somebody" to others. And those others are who I am working for!

18 Rambles

2012-07-30 22:56:02 GMT

Not really 18 but, we all know it's cute :)

I am not a complete circle and I've known it for a while. But, I am not sure how to be...I mean how do you know when your complete? How do you feel? Is it a special feeling? Is it a sense of fulfillment or accomplishment? Or pride and love for oneself? I honestly don't know and want to know and feel it. I don't know what I want really either. I know I want to be happy and I know that I want great health for everyone that I know. But, I don't know what career I want or honestly much about myself. I've been fighting fears and people. Just so much period I lost track of myself. I'm going to find myself and find out the answers to every question one might ask. It may be more difficult for the career point, I love to do so many different things I'm not sure what to choose... It's happening tho. I might need your support :) thank you

I have been doing a lot with The Blue Lotus Foundation. I have most of the necessary requirements but, my partner is pretty busy.. I need some things from him. I know I can do most on my own but, I don't know anyone out here. So it is kinda difficult to gather people to be part of something they don't necessarily care about. For free no less, even if it evolves helping others. Don't think I'm giving up, far from that!! I have to get a hold of my partner to find out what all we are raffling off. I also need to get a hold of a none-profit org that could answer a few questions for me. From what I gather I need to have my org understood by law what it is and what for before I could continue with the raffle. Slow start to the day so I would have to contact them tomorrow. Anyways thank you for you support and reading my blog :D

Ramblin' 17

2012-07-25 19:57:02 GMT

I have A LOT of work to do with this non-profit raising money and making it a legitament foundation. But, I will not let that get in the way of my TOOLS work. I have to stick to this nighttime routine I believe it would be very beneficial for me. Since I have such a hard time sleeping and so hopefully this will work. It takes a long time for me to feel tired. I'll stay up until the sun knowing I have get up with the girls in just a few hours. But, that is because my mind is racing and I just can't sleep unless I'm dead dog tired. I really want this to change. Concidering I will be doing a lot more work now along with my regular duties. Sometimes I am super tired but, my legs hurt so much I have to move them so then I'm up for all hours of the night. That in itself sucks! But, I know this will change in my mind and in my heart.

Today I have to go to the mall and pick up the forms for the raffle Saturday and get them notorized so I may get everything ready for Saturday. We will be raffling off many different things. I don't expect it to do too well concidering it's our first one, no one knows about my foundation yet, and the traffic in the mall has seriously depleted. So I am trying to get more traffic to the local stores so they do not close and raise money for this little girl.

I kinda want to meet her one day..I don't want her to know what I'm going to be doing for her just meet her. To see what she is like.

Thank you for reading my blogs everyone =-D you all make my day a bit better. I hope you have a great time today on your birthday Animekid and everyone else in the TOOLS community.

Day 16 Ramble

2012-07-24 17:30:42 GMT

So today is about lying to yourself. I have been doing that all too much. I lie to myself about the smallest things and the biggest. "Oh I'll go outside with the girls tommorrow. I don't want anyone to see me today" I lie to myself about too many things. Like what I want in life. I still don't know what I want. But, I tell myself I know. Just because I don't want to tell myself I don't know. Or I know somethings that I want but, others I don't and I don't want to work hard to figure it out.

So now my goal is to find out what I really want in life. From myself and other people. Along with a few other goals such as not taking my aggression out on others expecially my children. They don't deserve that. They may have done something to get under my skin or to upset me. But that is what they do. They are kids. They need to explore and learn and I need to stop sheltering them from the world and from learning. So in order to get over my fear of going outside during the day. I will take my girls for a walk at least once a day and we will have an outdoor activity everyday. Eventually I want to go outside with them most of the day. That way they are not infront of the tv. They get to learn more about the world. And we will spend a lot of quality time together learning and having fun.

I am starting another non-profit organization and a lot of my time will be going to that. I'm working on making it legit tax exemptions and all. I have to meet with the secretary of state and the attorney general, i I am VERY nervious about all this but, I know I can do it and I will. My partner wants to rush things along but, I'm doing the work and research while he is working on his business and what not so I'm doing it all. So I need to spend as much time with them as possible. I want them to see that no matter what you can make a difference in this world. I want them to see me help those people I don't even know. Show them compassion and selflessness. Hopefully grow to understand the world better too.

Thank you for being my faithful readers. I may have my moments of being low but who doesn't?? Just gotta pick myself back up and dust myself off and work hard to become a great person =-D

Thank you for your support everyone you mean A LOT to me!!