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The journey... by Captain_K
Today basically finishes up week 4 for me in TTL. Tomorrow is shopping day, and we all know we do something different than learning.
Today was about the journey of life and expectations.. and something keeps ringing home when I am here, yet tend to loose site of it when I am off.
As most of you crazy kids know, I want to move out to the West Coast. Yet, I have had this expectation in my head, that once I do.. Happiness will follow suit. I have this vision in my head that I move out there, me my new dog and car going to the beach and being happy.. With what was said today.. and what I talked about earlier blogs.. That won't happen, I am expecting to be happy only if I move there and in that exact situation.
I need to learn to be happy here.. As much as that hurts to state that it is true. Cause otherwise, I am setting myself up for failure and disappointment when I do move there, because I know deep down, my vision is a fantasy world, unless I can take the happy journey all the time. Hope that made sense.
The other thing is looking to the unknown and not being scared. I know I do this, just I was lying to myself and others about it. There was a reason I kept taking my exs back or trying to get back. Because I was scared of the unknown, to go out and find someone that really fit me. I settled with someone that in the moment gives me joy but long term, there was nothing there. And I knew it, inner voice guru would tell me, yet I would ignore him, because I was having a good time, or so I thought. (That was hard to admit to myself and outloud)
So, lessons of today.. Life and happiness are a journey and embrace the unknown.
comments
Environment
Environment has a huge impact on happiness. Dude, I was living in Chicago too. That city is a lot of fun and is exciting. But those things don't make happiness. The history of Chicago has never really been a 'happy' one: the great fire, prohibition, Al Capone, '68 riots, political corruption, 100 years of the Cubs! I could go on and on.
I know where you are coming from, and why you feel you need to 'fix' your happiness before you move to the west coast, but really: the change in environment can be that catalyst that makes you happy. If you tell yourself "I'm not moving until I am happy in Chicago", then you're stuck there for life. Keep your eyes on that goal of San Diego and happiness will follow.
Why are you unhappy
I don't think you have to learn to be happy. I'm not sure that is a learned response. You might have to dig a little bit deeper to find out why you are unhappy then work on changing those things. A change of scenery might help short term, but it won't fix the underlying issues.
Good luck!
If you want to move...
look for the opportunity to move and go when you can! Keep working the program no matter where you are, Chicago or the West Coast, or anywhere else your life may take you and continue working on your inner happiness and making it the journey and not the destination.
I hear you with the relationship thing. I have done the same thing. Stayed for stupid reasons and against my better judgement. Sometimes listening to everyone else (the religion I was once a part of, my family, the guys I was in relationships with) everyone telling me to do something else and not making my own decisions. Sometimes, you really love someone (or parts of them) and you want to believe they will change the parts that are unacceptable to you if you just keep lovng them. Or, you are very attracted to them physically (that can sometimes make you go against your better judgement.) For instance... my booty call friend. I think I was more attracted to him than I've ever been to anyone, but I knew it was never going to be anything else and wasn't good for me. It was tough to give him up! I still think about him... lol. However, I love myself and I want what is going to make me truly happy. So I am making time for ME right now, to get myself to where I want to be, to get myself stronger so I don't make the same mistakes and can eventually find that person who can add somsthing great to my life, instead of being an added stress because it isn't quite the right fit. I refuse to ever settle again as it has brought me nothing but headache and heartache! Get to a place where you are happy with YOU and then you won't feel the need to be in a relationship. It's been two years since I've been in anything long-term, so I guess it's become easy for me to be alone. I do want a relationship however, and when I meet the right person, I will know. :-)
I wish you all the best and hope you figure all this out, but I wouldn't limit yourself. If your dream is to move to the West Coast, you should follow it!!! And HELLO California Girls are the best!!! lol. You never know what else you'll find out here. :-)
right there with ya. :)
Everything you said it how I feel about things. Those expectations really know how to mess ones day up. And I don't know about you but it feels so empowering and positive to know that I am in charge of everything in my life. I know that I just can't sit and wait for "IT" to happen, I am it! (not the scary clown lol)
And I agree with Cheetah, Cali girls are the best! ;)
I live in Northern California and its so beautiful here!It may not be as warm as SoCal (mini road trips can solve that) Up here the air is clean, people are super chill, and we all kinda do out own thing. :)
I so proud of you and the progress you've made. PLease keep up the good work! You inspire and motivate me. :)
Thanks...
Dude/Times.. I agree with Times that I need to know what I am doing wrong that I am not happy and fix that. That is why I am here, to try and get to the source.
I also think that once the novelty of somewhere new wears off, I will be in a new place with the same issues and problems, instead of really enjoying the new place.. and worse case is I move back.. never giving the new place a real chance.
Cheetah/Kawasaki,
I can't wait to meet these amazing women :P
What makes me happy right now is riding the bike, the motorize kind! And looking at the weather here, of 25 and snow compared to SD, of 70 and sunny, got me all depressed today. But, I am feeling much better..
You guys/gals are awesome, as I have said before, you are one of the reasons I come back.. great support group here.. Keep it up
Captain Out!
I hear that...
Sounds like I've been hearing some similar things from my "inner voice guru". I happen to agree that even though it certainly sucks to admit, the move is not going to be the thing that makes you happy. You know you've got some stuff to work out- that's why we're all here. I think you will, and ARE learning to appreciate the happiness that can be found in each day, no matter where you are. And I'm sure there are girls in IL who are just as cool as those in cali, except are they are not as tan. You'll know when it's the right time. Here or there- or (there or there) you'll still have support here, or there.