Member Since: 11/11/07
Last Login: 05/11/08
Program Progress: Day 46
WOW 13 days!!!!!!!!! You are well on your way to a successful life. NOW DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR WIFE.........the hurt is deep and she will see your changes (she does notice then now) she is just waiting for the finish line. I have faith that you two will be happy again. Just keep going and don't give up.........
It is hard but you also have to TRUST!
You can do it, keep going!
13 days...fantastic! That's wonderful and I'm really happy to hear it. The other healthy stuff too...is just great.
I have no idea why sometimes we can really thrive in the absence of someone, yet miss them intensely. It must be that missing someone and doing well without them are not necessarily correlated. We're simply going to miss someone who has been part of our everyday life and its fabric. But the feeling of missing isn't the same as the choice of happiness or well being. I like to ask myself, "What precisely, do I miss?"
Keep on keeping on with how YOU are doing, what you want and need, how you feel, what you think, what changes you want in your life.
I am happy to hear you acknowledging both the difficult and the good feelings and thoughts going on.
As for your blog, wow. this is entirely different. You are so present. So open to change, ideas, accepting hard opinions others have, asking the deep questions. It's compelling to read.
LOL. Funny...yes the shrink who insists you are what he believes you are. If you disagree, that's you being blind to yourself. Glad you left that no-win situation.
Very interesting to me that you are so aware of your privileges. I do not believe most white men realize they are rarely ignored, for instance. I would think this does potentially bring you to a place of compassion and awareness for those who don't have your privileges. And...also an appreciation for the fact you do. In some situations being a white male is an advantage and you can use that to make the world, and your life, a better place, frankly. I have often thought for instance that if more men would stand up against injustices like rape, for instance, there would be much less of it. They tend to have more influence, money and power and yes, people tend to listen to them. So the issues they attend to get more attention. Why don't they utilize that personal power to help stop the victimization of women? I'm seriously curious why that is.
But geez...that's a big question and a big topic. First, how about getting to day 14 and the next day of Tools? Seems possibly early in your recovery to dive into existential resolution of race, sexism and the fleshly life of Jesus Christ? ??LOL. Maybe for you it is not. Keep on what you are doing. It's GREAT.
I got your comment on my blog, and felt I need to give you some encouragement. Then, I saw your blog!! Wow, it is a fascinating read. I must admit, I am confused how you can have such an addiction and be a minister, yet I understand how you must be feeling like you are climbing out of your own hole. You will heal yourself, answer all your questions (one step/ day at a time) and emerge better and stronger than ever. Keep the faith.
You are not alone!
Best wishes with your struggles. as a fiction writer, I am often involved in discussions about what is an appropriate character for each writer to portray. Some feel that one can only write about what one is, but I feel that is too limiting. also, I think often we see others celarer than we can see ourselves. I just finished a book written by a woman about a male protagonist that seemed to get into the male mind well enough I assumed the book was written by a male throughout.
I'm battling with a little sexual addiction, myself. I think it comes from 23 touchless years during my marriage (we are now divorced). Once another man touched me, it was like opening the floodgates - and now I'm trying to shut them again! So I can understand the multiple feelings you must be going through, with your separation et al. Hang in there - if you are meant to be with one another, you can work your way back there. However, if your wife doesn't want this, or you decide it is not going to work out, use this time for personal growth, not self or relationship-obsession...it is an opportunity to get to know yourself and the world and the intersections therein better.
Cedric, you're an inspiration. Really! I'm going through a particulary tough time with the work in TOOLS, and reading your blog post, I'm inspired to stick it out and keep going. You're making a difference, not just in your own life, but in others as well. Certainly in mine.
I'm sorry about your wife's attitude. Still, as I've said before, it's hers. Not yours. You have a choice, so does she. Keep working on yourself. Work toward your own betterment. She'll either appreciate it or she won't, but you'll still be better, and happier, for doing the work. Don't give up! Don't give in! Never surrender!
Atta boy, Cedric. Atta boy!
Hi Cedric :-)
just thought I'd check in and see how you are doing, then read your latest blog post and was as blown away as earlier respondents!
You are making me, and obviously others, think deeply. I particularly liked jaylp11 and wordbird's posts above. Thankyou!
Keep on keeping on with tools - I know you will, and I'm really in awe of your progress!
Sending you a hug
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