The Ghosts are back, but I am determined to have a new beginning

 Day 1: When I was about 4 years old I would watch re-inactments of battle scenes from a war play out on my bedroom wall. I would be as brave as I could for as long as I could till the fear overwhelmed me, then I would scream and scream till an adult rushed into my bedroom to rescue me. How did a 4 year old have such vivid mental images of a war, (barbed wire, tanks and explosions)?There is no explanation and my family assure me that I was never exposed to any images of war. By the time I was 8 yrs old, these nocturnal wars came to an end and I slept peacefully till I was about 12. One night I was battling to go to sleep (or so I thought) and there was a knock on the french doors in my bedroom, I got up to see what or who it was and there was a goulish man in a wheel chair, tapping on the window panes, I screamed in terror and once again my family had to endure my nights of terror. Thankfully this episode did not last long and at 14 I happily went off to boarding school and slept peacefully almost every night until 1994. That year we moved to a beautiful farm wedged between the foothills of a spectacular mountain range and the sea. New nocturnal visitors arrived. Faces! Wave after wave after wave of them, like an indefinate slide show over which I have no control. The "slide show" can last 5 minutes or 5 hours!, in this instance it lasted for 5 years, then stopped abruptly when we moved to Dublin in 1999. 2 years ago I joined the ranks of self-employed and my slide shows have begun again. The slight change is that animals have joined the faces, so now I am kept awake by horses, humans, owls, snakes, everything and anything that moves and breathes.  Today I actually felt, desperate, tearful and emotional about these nocturnal experiences and yes - alarmed. Has my mind just flipped? Am I seeing "ghosts"? Are beings from some other realm trying to entertain me (or communicate with me) via a parade? Or am I just stressed out and my imagination has taken over? About 10am this morning I thought that I should try and have a nap, just so that I could re-charge my batteries and get on with the day, but could not sleep, so in desperation, grabbed the laptop and just started "Googling" for help. Came across this website, hopefully it will help me focus, sleep and get other parts of my life organized, motivated and going in the right direction. I had another sleepless night, therefore my day was ruined, as I was a brain-fogged, shaking, nauseous zombie! Nothing achieved! All I wanted to do was sleep, but couldn't. Due to how I was feeling, I broke my diet for a second day in a row and did not exercise at all today. (I have 20kgs to loose by 15 January!).  I feel shocking about it all - especially not achieving my goals for the day. My husband, friends and family are all aware of my difficulties with sleep, but I do not discuss the reasons why, as they are so bizaar and I suppose my fear is that they will think that I am completely crazy, which I know I am not. A little eccentric perhaps, very creative and imaginative - yes, but not crazy. I don't sleep at night because old ghosts have returned to haunt me and I just wish they would either tell me what they want or just go away!

Comment (2) View (524) Show support

Tags: