I am seeing thing from the past that make so much sense to me i see things each day that i never would have saw before. This is a good thing i am sure but it scares the hell out of me and it pushes me futher away from my wife
She keeps telling me she wants to try and make things work but i think she is just buying time to get herself in a position to leave I dont know what to believe anymore and what if she does want to try and i blow that off then i have to deal with that for the rest of my life.

I feel like we are just roommates

I we are to try and make things i would thing there would be more

I hope to make it through today with minimal problems and with a good attitude.

My only problem today to go with the  Anxiety is feeling alone I am sure it sounds weird coming from a guy but I feel so alone and miss just having someone hold me this is something I crave and I don’t know how to overcome it.

My wife’s X-Mas party is this Saturday and I told her I am not going with her I think it is best for me not to go

I guess we will see if she will go alone even knowing how I feel about all that has happened

Well thanks again all for being there for me

Chad

She keeps telling me that she thinks her feelings are not valid

When ever i try to tell her how i feel it turns into a big mess

I guess i need to listen more and not talk so much. I hate ruined weekends i am never good enough for her This is getting very old

All i want is to be happy and have someone to be happy with 

I this worth it?

I have noticed my self listening to my inner voice the last few days and i think its helping.

I did my own thing last weekend and did not feel like i had to live up to my wife's standards or expectations.

This is what i need i need to be me i need positive reinforcement in my life and to feel like i am needed and wanted and a good person

I feel like its a start for me

I need to snap oout of this i try so hard to stay positave but with no results

I feel so alone

HELP

My problems in life have changed from when i first started

I have been trying to find out who i am and what i want in life and man its hard I feel so lost. I think i try to hard to make everyone happy and i take everything so personal

But i do feel good that i am working on this

Day by Day

The worst one yet.

I felt like i was having a out of body experience i could not focus on anything i felt like i was in la la land my mind was wondering in a hundred different directions

I need to learn to stay focused and keep pushing on but i dint know how

I let the smallest things get to me and it runes my day.

I wish there was a switch i could flip and make it all go away.

I just want to be happy

Help  

its Friday and i am just not into it.

I heard a story yesterday about a fisherman

who landed a great big fish as a lady sat and watched when the fisherman reeled the fish in

the lady said oooo that poor fish

The fisherman looked at the lady and said if the fish would have kept his mouth shut he wouldnt be on the end of my line....

Is this what i need to do just keep my mouth shut and hope things get better?

By the afternoon i had a lot of time to sit and think and i realized that there is more to life than being depressed all the time(life is to short) 

It is my life and i need to make the best of it no matter what

I heard a quote last night

"Do your best and let god take care of the rest"

That is how i am going to start living my life

The best that i can day by day

Thank you all who read my blog it inspires me to keep pushing on

I am still very lost and don't know what to do about my current situation

I am jumping out of bed for the most part and i keep telling myself that it is my day.

I just wish there was someway to get my wife to see the good in life.