yep

 So it has been a long time since I blogged. I have been taking my time with tools. However this days talks about relationships has been a real eye opener for me. I am an incomplete circle who has spent the bulk of time looking for someone to complete me. I am one of those people who clings on to bad relationships out of a fear of being alone. I don't want to let that fear of being alone scare me anymore. I need to focus on knowing myself right now. I have never really done anything for myself in my life. I will be honest I really don't know what I like in life, let alone what I want out of life. Perhaps all of my years of living to make other people happy has done me a great disservice.  For some odd reason, I go out of my way to make relationships with the wrong people work. Even when I do decide that I want to end a relationship, I always end up backing down. Honestly speaking I am dating a woman right now that I told, "This just isn't working out". She got upset and I don't like to see people get upset, so I said we can still hang out, but I need some time to think. So all I am doing is keeping myself in a bad relationship to keep the other person from getting hurt.  In the long run, its just me puttin off the inevitable. Only to make this harder further down the road. I know she isn't the one for me, but I guess its just nice to have someone there for me. So its selfish on my part for still talking to her. I know that it is. But the thought of ending up alone scares me. I work with the elderly all day, and the saddest thing I have ever seen is some of these people spent their whole life focusing on only themselves, and are now old, sick, and alone. No family there for them, no memories of there life with someone, just an empty home, and the feeling of loneliness. I don't know why I let the fear of getting old and ending up alone bother me the way it does, but I need to work on that.

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