I love to read, write, practice yoga, meditate on my life and my future, research on the web, be introverted, and improve my personal life, physically and mentally.  When I was planning my new year resolutions for 2010, I wanted to really stick to them, to really accomplish something this year, so I started to fix goals for myself and try to accomplish them.

It didn't work.

Well, the goal for writing daily in my journal did, but everything else: Make a habit of yoga, drink more water, and be more optimistic about my life, didn't. And because of this, I felt guilty and bad about it, which me made me feel hopeless and "burned out". A week ago, I fell into a temporarily state of depression due to the bullies at my school. I didn't go to school for two days because I was so exhausted and had horrible migraines on and off throughout the day.

Well, after that, I decided that enough was enough. I picked up a copy of "The 7 habits of highly effective teens" at my library and studied it front-to-back. I know realize that I shouldn't "try" or "want to" do things, I should choose to do them, and so here I am at tools to life:

Choosing to make my life better, one baby step at a time.

I was (and still am) "that quiet kid who loves to read and do her work" kid, at school and at home. My mother taught me to love reading books, and now I read anything I can get my hands on. I wasn't always quiet like this, but when I was 7 or 8, I fell from a swing-set and rammed my front teeth into the ground, which now gave me "buck teeth" and moved my top jaw forward a bit; ouch, indeed.

Well after that, I've been bullied, harassed, teased, put down, and ridiculed at school because of my teeth and my quiet personality. I, like so few of my peers,actually liked school and wanted to do my work.

They didn't. They thought I was a snob or stuck-up because I wouldn't talk to them, but I wasn't, I just didn't see the point into talking to someone who couldn't understand what I was really saying. I made a few friends, but it didn't make my life any better or worse than it was when I was alone, so I just kept to myself ( I still do).

Well, it got (slightly) better when I entered high school, but not much. I've learned to keep a poker face all the time, because the kids at my high school are like vultures: They keep picking at you with their beaks until your torn to shreds. They can't understand why I don't want to be their friends, but I can't understand why they think I want to be their friend. Their conversations are dry and childish, "he said/ she said", and they laugh at every little thing that happens.  Your drop your pen = Demonic laughter ensues.

I like being introverted.

I like being alone in my room contemplating my existence.

I just like being me.

Is that really so bad? (psst, no!!!)

 When I graduate from high school, I either want to go work as a freelance or horror short story writer or go to college and major in creative writing. I also want to have a more optimistic, healthy attitude and body as well. I'm not sure about having a relationship with anyone, (as I've said before, I enjoy being alone), but I wouldn't mind if I did. 

The future is Unknown...Delve and seek the truth.