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Join Now Here we go again. by deviantd
 
deviantd
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Birth Date: Thu, May 15 1975

Place of residence:
some little town ca, United States (map)

I am: In Relationship

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Jobs: Virtual Receptionist

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Member Since: 11/03/09
Last Login: 07/23/11
Viewed: 6043
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Program Progress: Day 33
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deviantd's Life List:
Finishing Tools - I know one day at at time, but this means a lot to me
Getting a car
Finding hobbies that make me happy
Getting my house organized
getting my house clean and keeping it that way
Spending more time working with my son, not just hanging out
Finding a workable schedule to fit everything in I want to acomplish
Losing 10 lbs
losing another 10 lbs (167 goal)
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Here we go again.

 

 

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deviantd

  deviantd

Mon, Dec 07 12:02 AM

Here we go again.

 

I'm not sure if this is going to be private or not. It probably should be. But to be honest I need some feedback. Or at least to feel like I'm talking to someone else.

 

My home life has taken another turn for the worse. I go from an abusive boyfriend, to an abusive mother. to compare she is much more verbally abusive, he was more abusive in a physical or threat of physical sort of way. with either one I feel as if I can do nothing right. That nothing I do is ever good enough. After a while it eats away at you and you just feel that you aren't good enough. I've tried to reach out to a few people, but maybe it's been the wrong ones because I have gotten little back in return.

 

Funny so now I guess I'm reaching out here. I've never liked the whole playing the victim thing. I thought of it as weak. And worse, fake. But is it ok if you really are? Everyone tells me to get away from her, that its not me. But is it? Is it really? Have I been raised to be someone that no one wants to live with or be around?

 

If so what needs to change? Because I have been trying to change for the last 2 years and I can't seem to do enough. They also say I don't do enough, that I'm not doing all that I can. Maybe that would be true if I wasn't so hurt. I spend to much energy making myself feel like someone that deserves to be breathing. If I didn't have to do that could I do more? would I be a person that people want to be around?

 

I don't know. I don't know what to do or where to turn. 

# Comment (4) # View (238) # Show support

# Tags: life

 

This post is cheered by:

JadeDragon (canceled account) JadeDragon (canceled account) creativeamp68 creativeamp68 earthfireg earthfireg


 

comments

earthfireg earthfireg:

Hang in there

First off take care of yourself first.  You are the only one who truelly knows what you need right now.  I have found that the only way you can move on and spread your wings is to get yourself out of a situation that pins you down.  If you want and seek change then you have to make it happen, get yourself in a place to be able to heal the pain and the self-doubt.  Do not accept people in your life that do not inspire you and pick you up when you fall.  Keep motivated to move forward.

Take care of yourself and be kind to your self.

Brian

dude_reino dude_reino:

Stand up for yourself

With an abusive boyfriend you have a simple way out: to leave.  However, you only have one mother and you're stuck with her, so it is not so easy.

 

Has she always been abusive, or has it developed during your adult years?  Either way, you must confront her and make her realize that her words are critical and detrimental to your well being.  She may not understand that she is doing this to you.  If she really does love you, she will realize her error and attempt to change her attitude for your own well being. 

 

But as long as you act like a 'victim', she wont change.  The only answer is direct confrontation. 

creativeamp68 creativeamp68:

Find Peace with Yourself...

...I agree with earthfireg on that, deviantd.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. One thing this program will teach you is that words from anyone will only affect you IF YOU LET THEM.

 

I got out of a verbally abusive relationship over the summer and for the longest time I felt like I couldn't do right with her and she made me question my own self-worth. Turns out, her own self-esteem issues were lashing out at the closest person to her (namely me).  Through my own will, Tools and through the WONDERFUL people I found on this site, I learned otherwise. 

 

You will find you are worth it and NO ONE can bring you down unless you allow them to. Keep GOING, you are a fighter or else you wouldn't be on this site!

 

Thank you for reaching out. You are among good, caring people here.  

 

good luck to ya, d.

deviantd deviantd:

Thank You

I just wanted to thank everyone who commented and cheered me on. I am grateful that I found this site and it's wonderful community.

 

I was telling a friend the other day that if nothing else I love it here because I know there is at least one voice i can hear everyday that isn't trying to control, mainpulate or just make me feel bad. It's also a voice I know that is trying to help me succeed in my life.

 

Now I realize that I also have the help of the community.

 

I know I have a long and tough battle ahead, and I believe I will make it though. It is very nice to hear the encouragement of others though. So, again I thank you for your words.