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Join Now dobbywarnshryptr 's blog :: school
 
dobbywarnshryptr
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Birth Date: Wed, Apr 26 1989

Place of residence:
Mesa AZ, United States (map)

I am: Single & Not Dating

Schools: Carl Sandburg High School; Northern Illinois University; Glendale Community College; The Art Institute of Phoenix

Jobs: White Castle; Jamba Juice; PA&T Insurance; Sonic; Delivering Flyers For ADT/RSVP Security


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Member Since: 09/07/08
Last Login: 01/29/10
Viewed: 15372
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Program Progress: Day 42
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dobbywarnshryptr's Life List:
Join the peace corp.
Live in a completely enviornmentally friendly home.
Stick to a steady exercise regime. To always be continually active.
Use my time wisely. Don't sit around when I know there are things to do.
When there is an opportunity to accel, don't say I'll wait til next time.
Don't think so much, just do.
Bring drumming back into my life as a hobby, not a chore, for myself, not for others.
Get a job.
Once I get a job, save as much money as I can for a year & find a place in L.A. No unneccessary spending!!! Ask myself why/if I need this.
Don't complain. Know that I can't control other's actions but I can take control of mine, have the best intentions & be confident in my decisions. Take responsibility for myself, not others. Stop letting people rely on me. It's just a distraction/procratination from my own responsibilites. It's not being greedy, it's having boundaries. Learn how to rely on myself.
Study motorcycle handbook & get my permit.
Use the computer only as neccessary. Don't waste unproductive hours on it accomplishing nothing.
Don't take things to heart. Realize that other people's opinions are really about themselves, not you. Grow a thick skin. What is the purpose of shrinking just because I want everyone to like me. I will never be liked by everyone. Get rid of the people I have to try to be liked by & stick with the people I'm naturally liked by. What sense does it make to keep someone in my life that likes me because I'm altering who I am. The sooner I can train my instincts to realize this, the better off I'll be. It's nothing personal, it's just the way people click.
Master time-management. I know I can do it.
When a situation calls for a few extra steps than anticipated, don't try to make it work without the needed steps. THAT ONLY TAKES LONGER WHEN I REALIZE IT WON'T WORK & I HAVE TO TAKE THE EXTRA STEPS ANYWAYS!!!
Go to school & get a degree.
Work in movie production.
Learn how to remain internally peaceful in the most stressful situatioins.

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Practicing an objective perspective

 

 

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dobbywarnshryptr

  dobbywarnshryptr

Fri, Sep 11 11:23 PM

Practicing an objective perspective

 

I went to class today.  That went pretty well, but I notice myself saying things just to get attention & I try my best to hold it in bc I hate that I get like that, but every once in a while I would comment on our discussion & find that I would feel super shitty afterwards.

 

I'm starting to talk more in class which is cool.  I'm getting to know the people next to me & they're pretty interesting.  It always happens where I have judgments of people in the beginning, of course most people do, but I hate that about myself.  I don't think it's fair to other people that I have negative opinions & it freaks me out that people are probably doing that to me.  That's what makes me want to curl up when I walk into a room.  Sometimes I think that's why I've missed class, so I don't have to deal with what goes on in my head.

 

Anyways, it never fails that eventually I find the people around me I thought negatively about, have a lot more to offer in their personalities.  Even the people who really annoy me can turn out to be funny instead.

 

I was still slow moving today.  It's 11:00pm & I wanted to get to bed by 10:30.  Tools took me a long time today.  I have a hard time focusing & I'm not taking any medication for ADHD bc the doctor that I'm seeing says that it should clear up once we conquer this eating disorder.  She said when someone experiences a traumatic event, their thoughts can get scattered?  Idk, it's really hard for me to understand.

 

Anyways, my eating has been going well.  I'm not eating a whole lot...I get full really easily & have been losing my appetite.  I really don't think I have been intaking as much as I should but I'm listening to my body & it's telling me I"m full.

 

I can already see my body change & I'm worried that I'll let that get to my head & be my focus.

 

I'm going back home to Chicago at the end of the month & there's this boy that I haven't seen since junior high.  And honestly, all I can think about is how skinny his ex-girlfriend is & if he'll find me attractive bc I am definitely not that skinny.  I almost didn't get a ticket to visit home bc I just don't want people to look at me & think I let myself go or be disappointed that I don't look good.

 

Tomorrow I have to drive to school & rent a camera for my final project of the semester.  I still don't know what to do my project on, but I think when I go to the park tomorrow, I'll bring my notebook & brainstorm.

 

I got an email from my dad today that initially infuriated me bc I feel like he doesn't understand how hard I am trying.  It talked about how if I'm not in school full time by the time I"m 21 he's going to cut me off.   Which, ugh, I hate the sound of cause I sound like some teenager being spoiled by her daddy.  I'm upping my class load by another class next semester & then I plan on going full time.  And he said I need to get a job.  It's all just overwhelming.  I just really do not want to mess school up again.  I've tried college 3 times already & have been unsuccessful, & now, for the first time I feel like I can continue on into another semester.

 

At first I wanted to call him up & start screaming, telling him he doesn't understand, but I thought about complaining, & I took a step back &  looked at the situation objectively.

 

He is supporting me when he definitely doesn't have to.  I mean, I moved out on my own without his blessing initially.  I know he wants what's best...I also know he'd rather have me home & this is one of his ploys to get me to give up & come home (at least that's what it feels like, maybe that's not the case).  So, I decided not to email him back, but call him & ask if we could talk about it all when I visit so we could converse & avoid unintentional "tones" that emails can have.  And he said that sounded very "mature".  I'm going to write out some points & explain things so he feels like he's involved more.

 

It was hard at first, to not want to just defend myself bc I felt like I was being attacked & misunderstood you know?  But after I called him, he wasn't nearly as mean as I thought he was being.  And he said I sounded happy & strong...which I felt a little too.  I think that helped him feel a little bit better about me being away from home.

 

Enough of my blabber.  Past my bedtime Undecided

 

 

 

 

Peace & love,

 

 

~Kirsten~

 

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