Member Since: 12/03/09
Last Login: 12/08/09
Program Progress: Day 2
I agree with tsubo.. I've been in this situation now for almost 2 months and its extremely emotionally draining... I've always been "friendly" with ex's but never really stayed good friends. I think you need to definitely choose 1 or the other, commit 100% or cut ties.
At the same time though, use tools to better yourself. The biggest thing you need to look at when getting back with an ex is what caused the relationship to fail in the first place? Have both or either of you changed? Are you both willing to put in the time and effort to make it work this time? Until this issue is resolved, there is a good chance it will continue to occur.
I have to agree, you can't stay friends - you either have to commit to a relationship or part.
I had the same scenario with my husband years ago. We were constantly off and on, then we decided to be 'just friends' for a summer. I think that in that time we did more damage than good.
We broke the pattern by doing something new; he said that he couldn't be a part of this anymore; either we had a relationship and committed to it 100% or he walks away. I think that we managed to be apart for two days! I went running to his door and we have been together ever since.
Good luck, stay strong and positive. What ever happens ...you can handle it.
dude! we got ur back! better to be sad alone, then sad when ur with someone!
time will help and it does get easier!
says: Thanks people these responses helped alot. I knew deep down that this is what things were going to come down to but I needed the reinforcement. I appreciate that.
I have to agree with dude and teelle on this. I've been in a few relationships like this. My boyfriends almost always become my "other best friend". It's hard to lose your best friend, it's hard to lose a romantic relationship. When one person is both, the idea seems impossible.
Ask the question. If the answer is no, move on for both your sakes. It will be hard, but by not doing it you are short changing both your self and the other person. If you trully love them I know this is the last thing you want to do.
says: I agree with teelle. I say approach her and tell her how you feel. See if she wants to get back together for good. If she does not, then you have to cut the cord. Being 'just friends' will never work, and you will never be able to move on to someone else.
In my expirience a break up/get back/break up /get back NEVER works. In the expirence of everyone I know it NEVER works. I know it can be hard to remain friends with someone you are in love with and for that reason alone I would reccommend seperation from each other. I have been on both side of it - being the loved one - and also being the one who loves the other either way it sucks.
I know its not the answer you want to hear but you need to keep away from the ex and go back to focusing on bettering yourself. Perhaps time can heal wounds.... and you may become friends again, but usually a relationship never works bc the same problems continue to exsist. Sorry :(