Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. :) 

How many people on TOOLS are struggling with depression?

And also....

What is the fall out and success rate of TOOLS? I wonder how many people actually stick to it. How many people finish the program? Hmm....

I'll still swing by from time to time and go through the blogs, check my email here, and maybe even check into the toolbox.

I think TOOLS focuses on too much routine and too many rules for me. Routine and rules are good and important, but they can also become a burden. This is the problem Jesus had with the Pharisees...but that's a whole different story. 

Being a devout Christian, it bothers me how religious stories are used here but they're stripped of their essence. If you need a story to prove your point, surely you could find something outside of the bible. I have big sensitivity issues with some of the things being said about God and other things. Coach if you're reading this, I think it would be best if you took all religious terms and stories out of this program. I'm sure you can find secular stories to prove your point, and you won't even have to mention God, the bible, and won't have to worry about the sensitivity of the religious people on TOOLS.  In fact, if you're willing to do this - and I know it takes a lot of work, I'd even be willing to help you out.

One of my personal Ten Commandments is that I can not be a part of something which degrades my living God - saying whether or not God is real doesn't matter is a big problem for me, because whether or not God is real DOES matter. You know the gospel, you know it's message. If God IS real (and I believe he is) than those who don't believe in him do face a BIG problem.

Anyways, my point is simply that you shouldn't mix religious story in secular pop culture - it just doesn't work. At least - not for those of us who actually know our bible and are trying to live our lives by it. 

So, for those of you who would like to keep in touch with 'Ebil Snuggles", you can do so if you're on myspace. Yay!

My url is:

www.myspace.com/nikkitoni

I'm also here:

www.faithfreaks.com/brokenhearted

Thank you all for your friendship, encouragement, and good thoughts! I love you all! Mwahs! 

 I didn't even read or pay attention to these last three days because the title was: Money and Volunteer work.

Now before you get all up in my grill, let me explain this...

I've worked in the financial industry for 6 years. Trust me, I know about money. I know how to save, and invest and blah blah blah.  I understand the value of a dollar - especially now that I'm unemployed. So trust me, I get it.

Volunteer work - did a ton of that with my church for the last two years. This year is the exception.

I do wish more people would volunteer though, because there are so many needs out there, and we are stronger together than we are alone.

I'll be checking up stuff in the community to see if I can volunteer for something. Maybe reading at a library or something similar. 

So, yeah, being that I'm extremely broke, and I've given much of my time to volunteering over the last couple years - yeah, I really wasn't in the mode to go through those chapters. I'm sure they're great, and have lots of good info, but at this point in time, it just grieves me.

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

So yesterday, I went to my counseling session. I've decided not to go back. My counselor seemed uneasy and uncomfortable which made my uneasy and uncomfortable. She was asking me what my goals were for our sessions and I told her I didn't have any. I have no expectations, I just want to take things a step at a time. She didn't like this answer and continued to drill me. I finally looked her in the eye and said "Do you want me to be honest with you, so we can make headway? Or would you like me to tell you what I know you want to hear? The latter is possibly tempting to you, but if you choose that, we will both be wasting each others' time."

I've been in counseling before and I have a very low toleration for certain things. If your a counselor and your counseling me because you WANT to help me - then I will give you all the patience in the world. If I'm just another task, file, or means of credits for you (the counselor was an intern who had just graduated last December), then forget it! Go find someone else to be your little pawn.

She wants to talk about the relationship I have and had with my parents and quiet honestly, I've already hashed and re-hashed this topic with other counselors and other areas of my life, and I have no desire to relive this again. Yes, I understand she thinks she needs to know these things so she can 'help' me, but I know there are forms of help that come without having to relive the past.

The past is in the past, and I'm a survivor, a conqueror, and a victor over it. I'm keeping the past in the past, because that's all it is to me.

Anyways, I've been doing better the last couple of weeks anyway. I really do believe these herbal supplements, TOOLS, the books I've been reading, the shows I've been watching, and all of you wonderful people who have been encouraging me along the way is starting to make a difference. YAY! I see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh - false alarm - it was just a passing train. Hahaha!

Thanks for reading and have an AWESOME day!  

I did not complete this exercise because I know what character I am! I am the Ebil Snuggles who relishes her home made chicken soup!!!! And holds the recipe randsom for comments because I am just that ebil! hehe

When it comes to characters and heroes, I admire people like Angelina Jolie and Katie Sackhoff who plays on Bionic Woman (she's the ebil bionic woman and she's so much better than the main character) and Starbuck on BSG. The thing that fascinates me about these characters is that they are so strong and stubborn - yet they are somewhat self-destructive.

I think many of us are like that to an extent. I think each of us are a hero to somebody, just not to ourselves. The world is full of under appreciated heroes, and I believe you and I fit into that category. We're heroes because we long to make the world a better place. We're here because there's something that's self destructive in us. Something that keeps us from being all we can be.

Of course, Ebil Snuggles doesn't have this problem. Ebil SNuggles is at one with her ebilness!!!!

 hehe

Anyways, I've been reading more inspirational books such as "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen. I've read it before, but this time I have a reading buddy, so that keeps it fresh and exciting. He talks about expecting God's best in our lives. How God is able to do so much and wants to do so much for us, yet we limit Him when we limit ourselves. God isn't limited by our education, our upbringing, our finances....etc. God has unlimited power, and in him, we have unlimited potential. We need to  be daring enough to dream big dreams, and see it come to pass in our minds.

So, this morning I woke up saying "Today is going to be a great day. God is planning my footsteps and in control of my life. Goodness, favor and mercy are following me. Today, I am expecting God's best for my life."

Well, God seemed to acknowledge this statement because my neighbor came by and gave me two cupcakes and a delicious casserole she had made. I in turn, gave her some of my home made soup! Then, my friend came over, brought me some flowers and took me out to lunch!!!

It certainly was a nice surprise. I wonder what the rest of the day has in store for me. Well, I know it has Tae Bo in store cause that's what i'm gonna do right now!!!

Oh - and for those of you who are concerned for my mental well being - just want you to know that I'm going to counseling tomorrow morning. Yay! The city offers free counseling and I qualify. I'll let ya know how it goes! :) 

Well, when it comes to having a clean house, cooking and knitting, I fall into the 'I do this for other people' category.  

I love to cook - I really do, but it's just not something that I do for myself. Well, I've been breaking that habit over the last 3 weeks. I still have my breakdowns once in a while, and make a mad dash to some fast food joint, but for the most part, I'm learning to cook for myself.

There's no reason why I shouldn't since

1. I like it
2. I save money
3. I eat healthier
4. The gods themselves would beg for my cooking cause it is just that good!
   

The Chicken Enchilada soup is definitely one of my favorite recipes. I made this recipe up one day as I decided to experiment with food. I kid you not, when I brought it into work one day, everyone wanted to try it, and then everyone wanted the recipe! I ended up emailing it to the entire office!

I'm feeling generous today, so I'll share the recipe with you - but there's a catch. If you want the recipe, you must leave me a comment on my page! That's right- i'm holding this recipe hostage until I get some lovin'!!!

Oh, and for those of you on diets or looking for a comfort food that's not quiet so destructive - this is right up your ally!

I will be waiting eagerly for your comments!

Mwahahahahhaa

Ebil Snuggles strikes again!