Nutrition day number 2. Nice and informative lesson. Most of my friends are overweight. Not like 5 -10 lbs over, but 50-60 lbs over or more. I only have a few that are within range of a "healthy" weight. I myself am 6'1" and 185lbs, I have a muscular and athletic build that I have worked hard on achieving.
Well last night, Carrie and I (My wife) went over to a friends house for homemade taco night. After Carrie and our other friend were finished making their tacos they went outside which left me and the 2 hosts. Both of the hosts of the evening are, id say, the guy is about 280lbs and 6'1" like me so he is around 70-80lbs overweight and the girl is about 190"-200" and probably 5'6" or so, so she is probably around 60lbs or so over. No problem, they live their lives the way they want to and that is OK, I try not to judge them for that. I had noticed that the guy was using 2 tortillas under his tacos and I made a comment that "Oh I see you are a fan of the authentic way of using 2 tortillas!!" and the girl chimed in "oh me too!!". I told them that I like it as well but, now I tried to make this sound like it was all about me and nothing to do with them, I am OBSESSED with calorie intake and I look at the extra tortillas and see an additional 100 calories per unit. I am not actually obsessed about it, just conscientious, again was trying to make it fully about me and not them. Now this of course WAS a passive way of saying to them that, you know, you guys should slow down a little and try and restrict your calorie intake, but instead I made it all about me. This in turn caused them to kind of turn on me and they started calling me anorexic! I just laughed it off and made the comment form the old commercials "I just wanna lose 5 more pounds..." and they both were like no, you need to gain 5 more. I am "Skinny" but I am muscular some may call me c"Cut" or "Buff", I am not drawn out or sickly looking. I am very healthy looking and here I was getting, not really attacked, but told that I needed to gain weight. From 2 very overweight people none the less.
I find it so sad that overweight people dont know about the health risks that obesity can bring. The fact that you may be a foodie doesnt matter, its all in portion size. I myself am a foodie, I LOVE food but I know how to limit it and not constantly overdo it. It just rubbed me the wrong way, and I know at the end of the day it shouldnt have, but it did. I bust my ass to be a super fit dude, I know I dont have to be as fit as I am just to be healthy and that there is a happy medium. But man. And to top it off, the guy is ALWAYS saying "yeah, I really need to start working out again" as he drinks his 6-10 beers. Again, their lifestyle, and thats fine, but I dont go around saying to anyone that they really need to lose weight, why would anyone say to me that I need to gain weight?? Frustrating. Anyway, my attitude is my decision and I choose to be in a good mood today! Hope everyone has a good one!! Day and attitude that is!
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I GET IT
I get you man, try having a bunch of smokers for friends, I know exactly what you meen, once again its there choice not mine , but I do care about them and think its ok to care.
I see your point
I have been over weight for a lot of years. I'm working on changing that, but that's another story entirely. A few years ago I had a close friend who was very thin. I thought she was perfectly healthy and assumed that it meant she was happy. But she told me something that changed my attitude forever. She pointed out that people will not usually walk up to an overweight person and tell them that they are fat and disgusting. But people will often tell a thin person "You're so thin you make me sick." An overweight person may actually think they are paying that person a compliment. My friend told me that she struggled with her self image as related to her body just as much as I did, but for the opposite reason. She HEARD negative words about her weight (or lack of) just as often as I got the negative LOOKS from people. It made me realize that everyone has to deal with their own body image. I can't look at a thin person and be upset that they are thin anymore than I can look at someone more overweight than myself and feel better about the way I look. We are all at various places in our journey to be healthy and we all need to remember that. Someone who looks like me may look that way after working very hard to lose 100 pounds. How do I know what they looked like a year ago? How do I know what they do in their own time? Super thin, buff, overweight, severely obese... Who am I to judge any of them?
Well, I'm not sure if that helps, but I thought I'd share my thoughts... for whatever they are worth.
Preserving the status quo
I think what you discovered your friends saying is very common, and I am probably guilty of it a little myself. When we have something, maybe a habit, that we know is either unhealthy, not good for us, or for others, we try to justify it to ourselves by trying to get those around us to do the same. It feels ok to eat an extra helping of fatty food if everyone else is, it's ok to get blind drunk every night if everyone else is. But if you're the only one, and everyone else can point out what you're doing is wrong, you'll feel uncomfortable, and maybe under pressure to change their ways to those around them. They don't like their comfort, their lifestyle being threatened, and in a way, you managing not to eat the extra portions, being strong enough to say no and break the norm there, threatens them. So they try to preserve their habits by saying you are the odd one, you need to eat more - you're underweight, therefore I am healthier - even though the opposite may be true. It happens all the time I think, especially when you are first trying to change your habits, and make them different to those of your friends - they will gang up on you saying you are wrong. Not in a nasty way, just wanting to preserve what they do, and feel comfortable doing.
I guess we have to learn to be extra strong, and decide to do what we want to do, and change. And remember, you can't change what they want to do, they have to want it too. In the meantime, try not to push too much what you're doing. I don't drink any alcohol, many people do and that's their choice. Whenever I say I don't drink alcohol, it causes people to tell me I should, even going so far as to try and give me an alcoholic drink, and pretend it's orange juice. It bugs me, but it's something I'm getting used to. The less I push what I do, the less hassle I get from them.
Hope that helps a little!
Ugghh...
I have a very slender build, and I have been called anorexic, too skinny, need to gain weight, "don't you eat?!" for most of my adult life. IT SUCKS! It's just like klawson's friend said, and I have a horrible self image that I constantly fight with. For me, for many years, I WAS slightly underweight, but I ate [crap] all the time. And I didn't work out, but I had a job where I worked hard, and clearly I had a high metabolism. I finally got to a point of just brushing it off with a comment like, "Yeah, I'm such a bitch." Because that's how it felt to me - they were pissy because I was smaller than them, and they were hating.
When I finally gained to the top of the weight chart for my height, I decided to drop the weight back off, and guess what? The comments are back. I'm dead-on for the target weight for my height, but apparently I'm also anorexic. It's incredibly rude, and it pisses me off to no end. When I started working out, I got a lot of comments regarding how I didn't "need" to work out. Um, we all need to work out. I mean, unless all the things a sedentary life does to your body appeals to you. Ugh.
My point is, you rock, you're going to have a long healthy life for you and your family, and it's totally understandable to be frustrated by their comments, but bonus points for switching up your attitude!
Everything is a choice...
I hear you... My wife is in that mode. She is 50-60 pounds over and is always saying how she "needs" to lose weight and "wants" to lose weight. But as coach Steele would say, "No you don't". It has to be their choice. I would say that you probably intimidate them. They know they are not healthy and should work on their weight. When they see you, they see their own shortcomings, so naturally they turn on you together to feel stronger. A "strength in numbers" kind of thing. All you can really do is offer your support. Just curious, have you mentioned TOOLS to them? Would you be able to exercise with your friend to get him into the lifestyle? Even though a full workout for him might be just a warm-up for you? Another great post and great thoughts. Keep them coming! Have a great Sunday!