Friendships

People come and go to and from our lives in a variety of ways. We are constantly dealing with change. I am idealistic and believe change can be a fantastic thing, but alas I am also human and crave security and comfort as well. I like many, struggle with change too even with my idealistic notions. It's just so hard. 

Friendships have always been difficult for me. I was disliked and bullied as an adolescent by many. Been betrayed and have betrayed. Some just change their path in life and you just don't fit in it anymore. Maybe you were friends out of convenience instead of true connection. Maybe that connection died somewhere along the way. 

No matter what the reason, there is an anxiety in me when it comes to friendships. I feel like once someone gets to know me they'll realize I'm not as special as they initially thought me to be and they'll leave. I am dealing with that with the help of tools. I am special and awesome. I just have to put the effort toward doing the things that make me awesome. That way, I start doing the things I love to do and the friends that will be there will like those things too.

Oh fear. How it can grab a hold of you. It's been there for so long...its quite the effort to believe.

I don't want to leave this blog on a sad, negative note, so I will also say that I know this is an issue. I know this is a fear. I know this is a habit. I can change it all! :) I can let go and be me. I have already started to, so I'm not just wallowing here in despair.  I am remembering and changing. I am doing the little things (and the big things!) that make me ME! I love me for it...and others will too. 

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