I have been in a constant state of panic ever since I got back on my meds. I can't sleep because all of my dreams consist of worrying about being late to work. I havn't been able to eat much because the thought of eating makes my stomach curl. I've noticed that my meds are beginning to affect me in waves.. I'll feel pretty good for a while, but then I start to feel shaky, like I need to eat something, there's a persistant ringing in my ears and it gets hard to breathe. My thoughts are all over the place and it's been really hard to concentrate, especially at work.
Today, really, is the first day that I don't feel particularly happy. I think it's because I haven't done much with my day so I don't feel productive.
I've had a lot of great news today I just don't know why I can't be excited about any of it. Could be my meds, but, I don't want to lean on that as an excuse.
I took a nap when I got home from work and I feel guilty that I did, like I could have been doing SOMETHING instead of sleep for a little bit.
My sister is also home from her vacation and I've been stressing about that too. I know she's not on board with not drinking and I'm worried that she's going to affect the progess I've made so far; that she won't take me seriously.
I've just got to harness that same motivation and excitement that led me here in the first place and not get discouraged or threatened that my sister might derail or influence me to drink again. Just means I have to focus on self-control as well, because, I'm the only one to blame if I fail--not her.