As a much younger man i was happy-go-lucky...excited and committed to live well and love all. Excited about life, I was deeply routed in all the "personal power" mainstays. Truth wins...Justice for all...your gifts will make room for you...you can be anything you want to be...Just believe... etc. 

I was smart, energetic...full of compassion and wide eyes... eager to assist the world in any way possible... beliving for the best in love life and happiness for everyone. I was taught (and believed) that in life, "everything will be alright". I was ill-as prepared for " real life". I, as most others, was fed this lofty set of generalized guidelines by well meaning adults ...that turned out to be malignant. I was given rules w/out instruction...goals without contact, consult and followup. Then it happened... Life. From mid twenties to the present (51years old) presented itself as a perpetual  roller coaster of mediocrity and mishap. In retrospect, i was prepared for nothing. I didn't understand life...I didn't know how to move through it sucessfully...i didn't know what "counted"..or even how to tell if I was winning or losing. I lived in this naive existance that just wasnted to be fair and kind and giving...believing the world would notice my character and zest for life...and reward me.  The frustration of attempting to "follow the rules", only to find out "right" does not always win and "IT" does not always work out in the end... was and still is, crushing. 

Life lessons continued to serve as patterns of disappointment, failure and depression. There was nothing about the world that rewarded anyone standing on a higer moral ground. There was no preferential treatment from life for "yielding" to another to help them "get in line" or slowing down your life progress to help someone else get a leg up.

It seems to be all about aggression...apperance...looking out for yourself before all others. It's who you know, not what you know... connection and label consistantly  overrules preparation and talent...Racism "is"... Justice at best is subjective... I believe for the best, but it never seems to happen. Few are helped and no one is "healed"

Life seems so lonely at times...even in a room full of hope...as soon as you walk outside... it's gone.

...so I simply never go outside without my mask. 

A.D.D.

Kills life.