Member Since: 08/14/07
Last Login: 02/09/13
Program Progress: Day 40
It is good that you have acknowledged how anger is creeping in and sabotaging certain areas of your life. Anger is a very powerful emotion, and if we allow it to be unleashed, we can become a menace to ourselves, and other people.
It's so important to learn how to harness that anger in a positive way, and this is something that I have been challenged with and learning about this past week.
In and of itself, anger may not be a bad thing. In fact, sometimes, we even have a responsibility to be angry. Strange concept, but a true one. If we hear about a great wrong that has been done to someone we love, of course we're not going to be at peace or content about it. We'll be angry - and rightfully so. But the question is this: What will we do with this anger?
Many positive things can be built and done out of anger. People have started outreaches, and organizations built on the anger they felt towards certain situations. This anger toward the wrong, and compassion for the victims lead them to move in a way that was positive.
I think this is such an important thing for us to keep in mind when it comes to 'anger'. Many depressed people experience anger, and suppress it because they don't know what to do with it. We are taught that anger is bad, and it can be depending on what we do with it.
So, my caution to you is don't ignore your anger, don't let it sit there, don't buy flowers and suppress your anger under a lid, cause at the right (or maybe wrong) time, it'll blow up all over the place. You don't want that!
Find a way to harness it, and use it productively. Release it by running laps around a track or doing sit-ups, while resolving the situation in your head. Find the solution. Or, write it all out.
Don't let it fester and don't feel bad about it either. Anger is a human emotion, and there's no need to apologize for it.
Oh, and can you pick up some carnations for me? Those are my favorite!
Oh darn. I've been there. I had a very angry ex as well and for me, it took time for me to separate myself emotionally from him much longer than I thought it would. I figured the physical separation was it, you know? But we have a child together and for a long time, he would use every interaction between us as an opportunity to vent his anger. I would think to myself that he needed to take responsibility for his own anger and stop dumping on me. I'd think it, and think it, and wish it, and wish it. Didn't change a thing. It wasn't until I became very clear in my own mind that I was responsible only for my own life now, not his, and certainly not his anger, that my behaviour towards him started to change. I remember the day, it was so significant. I saw him starting in the same old pattern of getting all geared up to vent on me yet again. I quietly, politely said I had to get going. Smiled. Closed the door.
It's damaging to allow yourself to be subjected to someone else's anger. Irregardless of whether your actions caused anger in the other person. Your actions were for your own well being. Sometimes that sucks. For them. Allow him the pleasure of learning to take care of his own emotions. Allow him to develop himself, to deal with his own emotions. You deal with yours, only yours.
And smell those flowers. Yes, carnations are good..they last a long time.