well im 34 years old, i own my own home, im employed and generally like my job, i have a beautiful baby boy (20 months old)  and i have a great wife.

4 years ago we bought a small house and renovated into a great house for our family with the help of family and friends with minial outside contractor help.  During this time my wife got preganant and we lost that baby.  That was very rough on us, for at that time we were living with my father in law who is a chain smoker.  we got pregnant again and lost a second child also a girl.  very tough although not as bad as the first one.

I lost my mother 2 years ago January 31.  I watched her gasp her last breaths of air and i mean gasp.  she suffered from COPD from smoking since age 14 and got bi lateral psnumonia and was on a ventalater.  It was by far the most horrific thing i have ever seen and been through in my life.  And my mom went into the hospital the day my father came out after he allmost died during the holidays.  The last time my mother could speak we were fighting and yelling at each other in the hospital. and while my fater was sick and almost dying i said to my mohter i wished it was her instead of my dad.  I felt guilt about this till this day.

My wife got pregnant with our son Maverick and my fathers health was not good still and moved in with us.  Not easy.  He died 2 weeks before my son was born.  I went from an extremly sad moment to the most exciting in my life within weeks.  By the way during this time my boss was not supprotive what so ever, she wwas concerned why i was not at work and making her money.  can you believe that?.  My father and i were very close he was my best friend. I spoke with him almost everyday and could talk to him about anything.  His lose has been the biggest void in my life ever since.

Since then i have grown more angry and anxious.  I have been on anti depresents ever since (Cymbalta) which i tried to stope taking myself and went into a psychotic state and ended up in a mental hospital for a few days.

Needless to say im back on them for the time being.  i have been going to anger mangement classes and ding alot of interspective thinking.  As of late i feel totally different and that dark place ive been since my fathers death is behind me.  Hopefully with the help of this great website due to Jason Ellis, i will become healthier and  happier in my life.