I am an unmotivated human that is taking way too long to achieve goals that I set a lifetime ago. I am talented but often feel there is no reason to be creative. I have very few friends and find most people a bore and completely unbearable. I am educated up the wazzzooo yet never took the time to learn anything at all. I can fall in love in a second but I truly think it is just some excuse to be miserable because I turn on the switch for people that I know will be difficult to obtain and deep inside I don't think I can love someone rationally. I am also a huge alchy, I am also addicted to smoking and diet soda I want to be a good person and help make peoples life be better it just all seems to difficult for me.

It's there mostly it concerns a lot of lonliness and pain. I tried to escape hiding in isolation and then I would act a fool to try and entertain people but mostly I was just trying to hide my pain. My mother left my family to go with another man and yo live better while we all suffered. There were moments of happiness and some beutiful times but for the most part I would get drunk whenever I could.

It might be too late for me but for some reason I still have goals and I fight with achieving them daily, they actually haunt me all the time and thus stress me out unfortunately when this happens I turn to my horrid drunken state which beats me up mentally and physically and puts me into a blinded fatter more self loathing individual. Yes this is me. The future could be okay fpr me but I don't know hoew to be a father as mine was too busy and a little like me to teach me how to be one. My nerves are shot so I'm not sure that I could handle the agitated state of being it would be having little monsters around. I guess I would like to be able to get my art published and loved, it's just hard for me. I don't want to die but I don't feel a whole lot of joy the way things are, I see a lot of pain in the future.