TTL day 6...
missing the plane... i remember missing one flight. I was so happy to be moving back to newfoundland from alberta, get back to see family and friends, getting away from the all the crazyness of where i worked and where i was living. A friend was giving me a ride to the airport, well he's kind of a friend that you known for a long time but someone that you don't hang around with cause you know he's bad news, we got up early (3am) made sure i had all my stuff, said my goodbye to friends that i was living with, and jumped in the car and we were off. Anyways my friend was driving his car like a rocket over the highway showing my how fast it was, then it was pop bang boom... he blew up the motor... we rolled and pulled off at a gas station about a 20 mins outside of town. I was so nervious that i was gonna miss my flight. I call my brother to come get us and maybe i could make my flight. we waited outside watching the road for my brother, only to watch him drive right by us. i was soooo pissed. i got so angry at him that i basicly bad mouthed him so bad, after he found us, that i told him to "go on home, ill get there some how. no thanks to him" . Well i got to the airport hours and hours late, and of course it worked out, they put me on stand by flights the rest of the way home and i made it only about 12hrs late.
It turns out that my brother was sick and no one really knew. he was bipolar and was really just starting to see the symptoms. I was been really hard on him at work and at home cause i couldn't understand wtf was going on with him. 2 months later my dad and me were putting him in the mental hospitals, and that really was one of the sadest days of my life... not knowing what was wrong and if he would be okay. i cryed so much, lol i still shead a tear thinking about it now. i was in a disarry of emotions, thinking that is this whats gonna happen to me at his age, was it my fault that drove him there giving him such a hard time, will he ever be the same person again, and will he ever get out of the hospital.
Months went by... visiting him, showing support to him, leaving the hospital only to climb in my car and cry for so long till i got the engery to drive to my apartment. anyways he did get better and we all worked throught it.
Today he's fine, pretty much just as he was before. But back then it reall took a toll on me, something that i never got over, something that stuck to me.
It makes me think that we're all very strong and we can work on things in our live's that will make us better people. Like at darts last night (yes thats right dart league) a bunch of my friends were like "so hows no smoking dope going for you?" i said "good, i did smoke a joint, but is was only one in 7 day"
All of them were like "good man" cause we all know that its something that we don't need, its a habit that we just do cause were so use to doing it (most all my friends are potheads) and its nice to see that they're happy for me to quit... they don't care if i smoke or not there still friends.
i cant belive how much TTL is helping me. i acuallty wake up not pissed off at the world, or complaing of wtf im gonna do today, or where can i get a puff. I wake up check out the weather outside and wonder , hmmm what could i do today.
well this has turned into a bit of a rant, so ill end it here. but its nice to see people giving me a cheer and a comment. ill see yall tomorrow
later
joe
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