Energy

 its time to start putting my thoughts to paper, maybe ill begin to start feeling somewhat "normal" again. My minds been racing lately and what better way to get rid of my thoughts than to put it down on paper.

For about a month or so, I havent been quite "myself".

Ive lost track of my life in the past couple months and am slowly trying to get back to what seemed to me as normal.

Overcoming what seemed to be a near death experience is quite difficult. Im still having a hard time excepting what i mentally saw, felt and physically experienced.

I wished i were able to confide in someone who knows exactly what i am talking about, but sadly enough i dont think thats going to happen. even if i were to see a doctor, they would prob think i was some kind of mental case or something.

What i experienced goes beyond words. Its something just too difficult to describe in detail. For instance, when i saw, mentally, my brain slowly shutting down to the point where i could see neurons firing and molecules, thats where i began to start really "freaking out". I know im not some kind of mental case but something tells me i quite possibly could have a gift. Ive always seemed to think that i had an open mind to everything around me, but it really didnt effect me until after that night. I can honestly say that right before you die, things really do become very clear. Everything seemed to be so simple that it was complicated.

Dehydration is very serious. I will never let myself get to that point ever again. but in the same aspect, im sort of glad it happened. Maybe because i would have never looked at life in a different light. On the other hand, my thoughts have suddenly become over baring. Maybe i really do need to seek help. maybe not.

I feel as though i am not on the same level as a lot of the ppl surrounding me. Whether it be my family, my friends, co-workers, and for that matter, even strangers. Im NOT trying to say that im better or even smarter than them, im just simply stating that i dont think i have the same mentality as they do. I guess it does kinda sound like Im trying to say im smarter, but thats just not the case. I think because in the last month or so ive opened myself up to the world around me, and ill tell ya, it really does change a person. Ive learned to not take things for granted, that life doesnt always have to be so serious, and to enjoy every moment as if it were your last. Ive also come to realize what life truly is about. Even down to how energy connects us all together. Whether it be people, animals, or even just nature in itself. For instance, its like giving a smile. Say im having a wonderful day and i am one big smile from ear to ear, i decide to take a walk for some fresh air, observing and absorbing everything around me. Taking it all in as i walk down the street. I by pass someone who just seems to be having a retched day. Its written all over their face, as though i can almost feel the emotion myself. but i dont let that take me over. I simply just smile and say hello. I dont mean the half ass ed smile that ppl give just to be polite. I mean the true genuine full hearted emotional smile, followed by a sincere warm hearted hello. One that people just know your not trying to fake. In that one moment, this stranger and I share "energy" because i have so much positive energy, Im not going to just keep it to myself. That would be selfish. Thats not the person i am nor do i want to be. This kind of energy is something i want to share with the world. This positive energy that i have is so strong, so powerful and so amazing that i want to share it with that one person in that one moment to see if it has any effect on them. It may not seem like it does in the moment, but how do i know that just because that one smile i gave could have changed that persons whole day or even their who life? I dont know, but it could be very possible. Its almost like a chain reaction. Because i gave that person a full hearted positive smile, they too start to feel the positive energy and their spirits start to build. Now they feel the same way that i do, like they want to share this gift with everyone around them. Therefore, like i said, it becomes a chain reaction. Because that person could give someone a smile, then its passed on to someone else and so on and so forth.

Positve Energy is a powerful and an incredible thing. But dont get me wrong so is Negative Energy. But lets not focus on that. Positive Energy, if you dont understand it, can be a difficult thing to take on, if your not in the right mind set. Most ppl hold more negative energy than positive. And if they dont allow themselves to feel the positive energy, the negative can take over and nothing good can come from it. Ppl who do allow the positive energy into them are much more happy and more intune with the world around them. They arent as focused on the negatives in life and are able to let things be and take things as they come. Ive realized that the more positive energy one takes in, the more positive that comes out. For instance, which person is more likely to have good things come to them in life? The person with the negative attitude who can never see the good/beauty in things, or the person whos full with happy thoughts, ideas, emotions, one who is just glowing with a positve ora? Dont get me wrong, Same idea goes for negative energy. Both are so very powerful. But one more harmful than the other. You have a choice, you can take the bad with the good or the good with the bad. If one chooses to take the bad with the good, they'll continue to focus on the negative and never take for granted the positives that do come into their lives. For the small positives could be the chance for something better. One whos choice is to take the good with the bad, is someone with postive energy. They take pride in what they have of the positive and except, recognize, and somewhat appreciate the negative. In other words, be proud to have what knowledge you do to recognize what the negative energy can bring.

You can always get something positive out of something negative, but you can never find the negative in something positive.

ENERGY. Its all around us. Its in the air, its in the earth, its within us. Its just a matter of whether you want to take hold of it and recognize it and make something positive out of it or just let it be. I think thats why i feel as though i may not be on the same page as everyone. Most ppl dont want to open their mind to something like this. Ppl would so much rather be content with their "pottery wheel Lives". Me on the other hand, i cant be like that. the same routine over and over for the rest of my life just isn't for me. I want to open my self up to whats around me, i want to learn the meaning to life and how everything is connected to one another. But then the other part of me would be content with not broadening my horizons. I find that the more i open myself up to everything, the more complicated things become. I tend to over analyze things, I notice more details, and i continue to look for a greater meaning. I also feel as though Ive begunn to answer my own questions, thoughts and ideas. For example, certain situations that occur that make me think, i take a second to notice my surroundings, emotions and thoughts. Then i begin to analyze whats happening and i am able to figure out the meaning behind it all. I may not be able to pin point every scenario because there has been so many and also, when its in the moment im able to figure it all out, but when i have to look back on it, it suddenly doesn't seem as clear. Which is why ive decided that i should write down every time it happens, while its happening.

More on my theory of Energy....
it may sound a little cliche, but energy really does connect people together. Not just people but everything around us. Mother earth, animals, people, everything in general. Ive realized that soul mates do exist. I am so thankful to have found mine. People spend their whole lives striving to find that one person they can connect with, and i already have mine. I am reminded everyday of how lucky i am to have found that one certain someone to share literally everything with. Just last night, I was able to really understand the meaning of sharing energy. Being in his presence and feeling his whole being was just so incredible. I dont mean being intimate, i mean just being next to him so close to him as if we were one. I could feel the energy bouncing back and forth between our two bodies. It was this comforting warmth surrounding us. Just by touching him, i could feel him. I could feel his emotions, his thoughts, just his whole being. Its such an overwhelming feeling that just cant be put into words. No one can really know this feeling unless they've had such a strong connection with another being. But this energy does just exist between two human beings. It also exists between animal and human, nature and human, animal and nature ect ect. I have also had this connection with animals. About a week or so before i had my experience, Freedom (canine) wasnt herself. She is usually a very friendly pup whos always excited to see me; litterally has a smile on her face. But for some tim, while i would watch TV or just be in the same room as her, she just wasnt the same. She would just sit and stare at me from the other side of the room. Her stare was so strong, as if she was looking right threw me, that it made me extremely nervous. It was the strangest feeling, almost as if she knew something was wrong. I strongly believe that animals are more capable to being in tune with this energy. I think its because their minds are much more simplistic than that of a human mind. Humans have the tendency to attach emotion to everything, which makes it harder for us to just be. where as animals, yes having emotion, can detach emotion for a moment to let the energy flow. Maybe emotion isnt the right word to describe my theory. I think its that Humans over analyze things and try to give an explanation or understanding to life and therefore, makes it much more difficult for us to again, just be.

Who really knows. My whole theory on this could be way out in left field, or it can be right on point. I will never know for sure, or i will never know until the time has come to. Until then, I am just going to let it be and except what comes to me. This is only the beginning, there is more to follow. Not just in my writings, but also in general. Life is just the beginning

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