I have a lot on my mind. I titled this B&M because I feel that most of what I have on my mind is simply bit@#ing and moaning; and like most BM's, it stinks.
I've tried to shake it off, say a positive affirmation, declare that my attitude is my decision; but it just keeps coming back to bite me in the rear. I can't seem to get past it. I hope by writing about it, in the one place I feel safe to do so, will help to exorcise it from my mind.
I have a hard time being consistent with TOOLS, especially on my days off. While my family is supportive of my changing, they're not too hip on my needs, and how to meet them, as regards TOOLS. To be fair, I've not been able to convey my needs to them effectively either.
One of the things that first attracted me to my wife was her sense of living in the moment. I was always working a plan, a to-do list, or executing a goal. She seemed so carefree and spontaneous. As usual, the very thing I found so charming and attractive when we met, drives me absolutely nuts now! What's more, we've three girls who all share this trait in common with their mother. Never know where their keys are. Never know where their cell phones are. Can't find their shoes! The list goes on. Every day is lived without form or function. No plan. Oh, they manage to get to work or to school, often late or at the last minute; but after those obligations have been met, all semblance of order diappears from their lives.
It's hard not to get sucked into the vortex they create. I've tied the old "Your car keys are where you left them.", but this only gets me regarded as an ass by the whole family. So to appease, and maintain positive relations with the family, I help when and where I can. Often I am simply usurped. Need the computer for TOOLS? "Well, you see, I've got this project that I've had three weeks to work on, but haven't, and I've got to have the computer for the whole freakin night to get it done by due date tommorrow!" Need to go run an errand? "Well, I've got to have the car to go take care of something I could have done while you were at work, but I didn't bother to remember til you said you were leaving, and I won't be done til it'll be too late for you to go." Planned a surprise evenng out to reconnect with your wife? "Well, the one with the kid has brought the grandbaby over for us to watch, so they can go out!" Finally do get to go out, and the movie starts at 7? "Well, we'll be ready to walk ot the door at 6:55." Standing my ground, once again, has me regarded as a selfish ass by the whole bunch. It's a houseful of women. Even if one were inclined to agree with me, they feel obligated to cicle the wagons, and fire on me.
I don't mean to make my family sound so self-absorbed. They can be quite thoughtful. They do love me, and care for me, and I love and care for them dearly. My wife does take the time to do lots of little things to let me know she's thinking of me, or that she cares.
My frustration lies in the fact that TOOLS is a rather regemented discipline. You have to do certain things at a certain time, and in a certain order. There's not much room for flexability. Flexability, I'm afraid, is a must to live in my house.
I know I can't change them. They're nearly grown. I must change myself. I just wish I knew where to start.
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LORDY LORDY!!!
I hear you loud and clear!
In TOOLS you will learn to get organized. I would set a time for TOOLS every day. That is the time for YOU. Maybe when all the 'girls' are getting ready in the mornings. No one can use the computer at this alloted time.
Your family, in time, will see the example you are giving. Your organization, (stop and think...place keys in one spot every day....)
They will see the zest for life and your happiness and THEY ARE GOING TO WANT IT.
Remember, no one can take advantage of you unless you let them. If you planned a night out, it is your night out. No one can interrupt it unless YOU let them. Take control and be the powerful person you are. Set boundaries and start a communication process with the family. I would start by sitting down with them and have an open honest talk with them about how you your life is changing now. Do they know you are doing TOOLS? I don't have the answes but I do feel for you and I just keep hearing the afirmation:
YOUR LIFE IS YOUR DECISION.