Minerva:

Geography Lesson

Dear Jaylp

 

I understand your mixed feelings about this. As I get older, I too have my dreams and look forward to the time that I have no responsibilities or commitments to anyone other than myself. ( Not that I know a living soul who doesn't have some kind of obligations to something or somebody, but there you go!)

 

But it's a funny thing - my greatest joys come from interacting with the people to whom I am commited; my best satisfactions from the feeling that I have acquited myself with a job well done in the name of love and making that person's life a little better in some way.

 

I think you are going to have to give up a lot of things you might have liked for yourself, but these changes are going to bring even greater rewards and unexpected  pleasures into your life.

 

Now please get out your atlas:

 

I live  in South Africa.

My eldest son and his wife live in Australia.

My youngest is in Italy.

My only beloved sister and her family live in the US.

 

'Nuff said?

 

Enjoy the ride

 

 

 

co.f:

LOVE THE ICON - IT SAYS IT ALL!

I hear you!  But ...   my youngest daughter presently lives with us - but will move out this April - my oldest is already on her own.  What I'd give to have them back with me - permanently - with as many grandchildren as they could provide! Count your blessings!

Wordbird:

Sharing Your Home

Sounds like  they agree with you on making a shift in how you greet this.

I think it's really great, and important, that you are aware of your different feelings; because once we are aware of them and can express them and thrash around and stomp our feet a bit because we had a certain expectation that now will change-- and that can be upsetting---once we acknowledge it it seems to lose its power, and we can make adjustments so we welcome what we formerly resisted.

 

Another thought I have is that in this economy and so on many kids are staying home longer and many adults are moving back home with parents. I'm not sure it was ever such a fantastic idea we all move so far apart in the first place.

 

But the other part is an adult is an adult. No matter their circumstance, I hope you consider the ways and means they should and must contribute to your household--whether its chores and some rent, home repairs or cooking--I believe going "home" to parents can enrich all lives so much. But going home doesn't mean expecting to live again as a dependent child. There's nothing wrong with considering that their presence might even IMPROVE your situation...if all of them paid a bit of rent? Plus brought in some food...Or whatever... it could work out well for the entire family. Work out an objective contribution so that indeed you don't feel both swamped with people in your space, and taken advantage of. 

 

i agree with you you already did your job as parent. So these kids can move in not as KIDS...but as adults sharing your home with you responsibly, to the degree you know they can.

Maybe...even think about new options. Like...down the road they can house sit and look after your place while you and your wife go on vacation. 

 

And think about house rules. It is your home, and theirs to share. Making agreements about how we all behave in a shared home makes for fewer grievances and greater blessings. 

 

Anyway I've shared my point. Look after yourself. You deserve that. And welcome the blessings too.

ATV-Nancy:

BTDT

I hear you!

 

BTDT been there done that with the kids moving back home with babies in tow. You are not alone. I too had mixed feelings "this too shall pass" helped me.