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jaylp11
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Birth Date: Sun, Aug 25 1963

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Fort Worth Texas, United States (map)

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Member Since: 09/26/07
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  jaylp11

Tue, Feb 19 10:19 PM

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I have been stuck for several days, and it's starting to bother me a great deal. I haven''t been able to complete the exercise of introducing myself as my new "character". I almost did it the other day. I was set to make a purchase at a place I was unlikely to ever return to. I had struck up a conversation with the clerk, affirming someone else (another of our daily exercises), and was about to ask there name in order to give them my new identity; when I suddenly realized I was also about to give them my bank card, with my name on it, to complete the transaction. Foiled again!

I seldom carry cash, and I tend to frequent the same places. I've found it difficult to use my assumed identity without being discovered a liar. That's where the hangup has come in. At first, I thought I could blow this off. I've done all the other exercises. This one wouldn't be so important if skipped; but I can't stop thinking about it. It has even interfered with my progress in TOOLS. I feel like  phony logging in and continuing when I know I haven't completed that exercise.

One other time I came close, only to realize I had my hospital ID on. My name was in plain sight! I've come to realize that we are very connected to the ID we've created, and it's hard to extracate one's self from it. Everywhere I go I'm asked for ID. I can't introduce myself as a completely different person, even if all I'm doing is getting a cup of coffee, without risking being found out and then having my integrity questioned.

Sure, I could go and by a newspaper somewhere and tell the guy, "Hey, I'm so-and-so."; but the situation would be forced and awkward at best. The guy'd think I was a lunatic. Who introduces themselves to the clerk at the news stand, unless it's one you frequent everyday, and then why would you tell them a fake name, just to have to come clean and correct it later, and risk destroying any positive relationship you may have had with that person?

I realize I'm probably overthinking this too much. I just need to get hold of some cash, go somewhere, anywhere, and buy a cup of coffee, a newspaper, a postage stamp, and introduce myself to the person as this "other" me. The thing is, I really have grown to like who I am. I've invested alot into making myself who I am, and I don't like lieing to others about anything, least of all about myself. I want others to get to know and like me, for who I am. How can I do that when I'm pretending to be this other person?

So now I'm hung up, feeling guilty for not completing this assignment, and I can't seem to shake that feeling. I don't think I will until I break down and do it. Thanks for lettin me blow of steam.

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Dabble Dabble:

let it go...

Hey Jay -

You need only experiment with the character in your head to get the feeling of being that person.  Myself, I found a new name for me, but I never asked anyone to call me that.  Instead (and as you'll see later in the program), you explore things that you wish you were in this exercise and then incorporate them into your own self model as the days go by.  Its just a way of getting past your own self-editor, who says unhelpful things to you like, "you know you are not that way, really, stop faking it".  In your "character" you can try these things on at a distance - then use that info to get the behaviour past your editor.

It is GOOD you like who you are - that's the aim of this whole program - to like who you are and to add to this to be an even better you.  Don't let an individual assignment hang you up - move forward now.

And that guilt thing?  Get rid of it.  It is immobilizing and not helpful at all. Yes, it's good to feel guilty if you steal or hurt someone or whatever - that's what keeps us from doing it most of the time.  But guilt about this?  Nah.

PS: I adapt this program to myself.  It is good, but not all of it applies to any of us.

Good luck!