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why bother? by jc7
Often I ask myself why I bother to try some of the things I am trying, I don't even know why I write these blogs, I know why I am following tools to life, to be repeatful. I wonder why I even care about my wife who has only ocntacted me by email maybe 3 times in the last nine months and is back on a month of silence. Yet I foolishly email her almost daily. Trying to offer counseling etc. I just can't figure out how I could care about her so much, That she could not even care the slightest about me.
The weirdest thing I can't figure out is she went to a Bible college and they are telling her not to go to counseling with me. To clear things up, we had problems, but never was there any physical abuse of any kind or any sort of name calling.
I mean it gets to a point where you can only feel so useless, and don't know what to do. Scared to stop emailing for fear she will ultimately give up. I just have to wonder what does a human promise mean these days?
Decisions have become to hard, She lives in another country, and I need to sign leases, want to go back to school. But can not do these things for hope she will one day accept counseling.
Now, I do not feel she completes me, but I am alot happier with her, And I really don't believe in divorce, And this has nothing to do with church cuz I don't even think I believe in church or any thing related to it no more, but this is by no means about that, nor do I even want to discuss that, But as for divorce, I mean I just think it shows how pathetic humans are becoming, what is the point in vows if you do not try, I just feel that in most cases, not all, but most divorce is like a drug, it is just a quick fix to get over something instead of dealing with the issue head on,
whatever, don't even know why I am typing this again, Guess I am just trying to stop myself from emailing her again today. My anxiety goes through the roof when I try and figure things out because of her, she knows I needed pills for anxiety, but quit on me. The worst thing is, is the silence, which is consedered to have the same mental affect as physical abuse. I mean she won't even say what is goin on at all. I don't wanna hurt her by emailing her all the time, but struggle to just give up on my marriage, I better stop typing or I will be here for another hour.
comments
Why bother, because you love her!
I have been in married 28 years, 29 Nov. 3rd. Durring that time we have seperated 3 times and if it was up to me durring those times, we would still be seperated. I had been married 3 times before and I had real trust issues. With counseling, I came to realize she was not those people. She loved me uncondionaly and that was new to me.
My thoughts about your e-mails are you don't have to send them the same day. Give her a break and you. Pour your heart out and then hit draft instead of send. Tomorrow is another day, look at what you wrote, is it the same way you feel and think now? Maybe you need to do some editing. Are using the e-mails to make her feel guilty and come home or are you trying to show how much she means to you and the love you have for her.
As Devilen says, you don't have a problem, you have an opertunity. An opertunity to grow, to see who you are and what you want.
Remember, God is with us always not just on Sunday morning. That means with you and her.
I know a woman who has been married 4 times, but always to the same man. They had some growing to do. Now 27 years after the first marriage they just celebrated their 11th anniversary from their last marriage.
Why would a church who believes in the santity of marriage not want your wife to do everything possible to repair that marriage? Doesn't make since to me.
Know here at TOL you are loved and we care about you. Keep coming back and you will grow with understanding and confidence.
I am 63, have the love of my life, 3 children, one was murdered and I wouldn't be here if I didn't have that love and God's. Situations happen with God and the right partner you can walk through anything.
Like you I could go on for another hour, but I won't. Your in my prayers and so is your wife.
Love,
Terri
We can't help them.....
The hardest thing for me to accept was knowing I cannot help the person I love. I can only live in hope that he/she will help themselves. I watch and feel so bad, I try to give advice, but it is not heard. I finally (yesterday) decided that I must save myself, just let go of them, and if they come back, great! If not, then things are as they should be. Accepting is hard. We can only do so much, the rest is up to them. We cannot control the way they think, behave,etc so we can only let go ...... and make each day we have (even if alone) a good one.
time to live for you
you are worth it!!!