The Bump

On day 22 the coach talked about the bump that happens in the course of events in the journey that is tools Well I did not hit a bump I hit a freaking wall of sorts. To explain my step son is dieing of Brain Cancer, we thought we had lost him a couple of months ago to a massive infection in the brain due to a operation he had to try and remove part of the tumor that has affected his left side. The Doctors had to go back in and remove part of his brain that had been damaged by the infection and did not give him much of surviving

 the operation and if he did it would not be good. Hard decisions were made that night but he not only pulled though he made a amazing recovery but did have some more impairment to his left side and to his breathing.

    Let me tell you this kid is to me more than just a step child as he grew up to be a man he became my best friend we were Firefighters together, we went on medical calls together, which helped him to become a Paramedic. We even taught First Responder Medicine together and to cerebrate our bonding got the same tattoo on our arms. 

    Where the bump comes in this that since his recovery I have not spent much time with him and I don't know why? I have since starting Tools have put in my excuse list the excuses why I don't and have worked on them. Any way because he can still do things and does he still needs someone around him at all times in case he needs help and I had been asked to have a kind of boys night out with him because my daughter in-law wanted to take their kids out for a birthday party. I was excited about it as it was a great opportunity for us. Everything went great we had supper together, we bullshited about old friends and times together and people we have in common and about the grandkids etc. Part of the plan was that we were going to play X-Box after supper so we rented some games and went to his house . When we got there he begged off playing the games because he was exhausted and went to sleep in his chair. When my daughter-in law came home she went to kiss him and he woke up and immediately started to throw up, and I froze up I could not move, after 22 years of firefighting and medical calls I could not move to help him out it was the most helpless feeling I have ever had. It was a good thing that she was there because she took command and looked after him and there was no problems beside making sure his airway staid clear .When it was all over all I could think about on the drive home was how I had lost control and how I never really had any over anything in my life and I should just quit trying to take charge because I had failed as a parent and as person with my training.

    Well I had to force myself to do the Tools this morning and to be honest with myself about what happened. I figured one the ways to get back on track was to write a blog about it which I really did not want to do But here I am at the end and the attitude is once again coming back positive . Thanks for listening and helping over the bump but life calls again and the day is mine.  JD

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