Red Lights... wow

I can't believe the coincidence of today's theme. It's Day 68. I spent awhile yesterday trying to express what I'm feeling this week, and couldn't really encapsulate it, and then this morning's theme, Red Lights, summarized it.

I have put my best effort in to stay focused for the past 2 months, finding the right exercise and doing it, maintaining healthy eating habits, focusing on my business, on scheduling upcoming work as well as my current projects, trying to stay open to people, make new friends and stay in touch, maintain an enjoyable social life, be open to dating again, keep up my garden and house, schedule a dream vacation and make the extra money to pay for it during the dead summer season, keep clients/projects on track, get paid on time, schedule new projects for the Fall. Oh, I'm forgetting - find a level of contact with my mother that is safe from being subject to her manipulation and abuse. I even sent out the newsletter to clients and prospects that I'd been putting off for weeks.

So I've been doing all of it. I'm scheduled to leave for Paris this weekend and before I leave, I'll have paid my bills thru the end of September. Amazing! Everything going perfectly as I finish my projects, and then I get a call about a big new project, a musical artist with management and financial backing. They love my work; rave about it profusely. Too good to be true! Yes. Exactly. I write up the order and send the contract, and suddenly there are issues - all kindly worded, but based on a competitive, mean-spirited perspective. I tell them yes, I can comply but my price will reflect it proportionally with a 50% increase. Now they introduce subtle criticism about my work, in an attempt to diminish my value, adding they can't possibly pay that price, but also can't compromise on this extra requirement. I'm telling myself, "this is a warning sign - of how the entire project will go".

Meanwhile, payment for my main summer project isn't arriving on time and I can't reach him or any of my Fall prospects to confirm their bookings. Not one. Everyone's on tour or vacation. Everyone. So I'm tempted to feel I actually NEED this new project - they now say they'll double the deposit for good measure and wire it into my account before I leave for vacation, as long as I meet their demands & price. Geez.

I got that queasy feeling in my stomach, and did a good thing. I didn't respond immediately, but instead finished my work for the day, giving priority to a 'good' client who's a joy to work with. I finished, he was overjoyed, and then... feeling good, at 5pm I wrote the jerks back and explained that I'd love to work with them, but this is not the way I work and what they are asking me to do - is not in my best interest. I described the way I DO work and the type of working relationship I need in order to come up with the results they have described as so inspiring. If they are interested in working in this manner, I'm willing to discuss it, but I do not work in the mode they have suggested. I was respectful but very clear.

YEY FOR ME!! In describing the way I work with clients, and how the end result is a direct outgrowth of that respectful, inspired relationship, I reminded and reassured myself that I WILL get new work in September. I always do, and I don't need to work with jerks.

Just afterwards, I got a call from the late-paying client - he apologized and said I'll have the check by noon Friday. Hopefully that will happen. 

Day 68 was called Red Lights and the timing was amazing. I was trying to write about this yesterday and didn't have the term describe what I was feeling. The term is Red Light.

ok - now I'm going on my morning hike up to the observatory. yey! 

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