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Join Now jojosgrl's Breakthroughs
 
jojosgrl
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Birth Date: Sun, Nov 13

Place of residence:
Lompoc California, United States (map)

I am: Single & Not Dating

Schools:

Jobs: Accounting, Tax

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Tools Program Stats:
Member Since: 03/07/08
Last Login: 12/20/08
Viewed: 11933
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 92
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jojosgrl's Life List:
To weigh 120 lbs.
To clean and organize my room
To clean and organize my apt.
To move.
To develop and follow a healthier eating plan.
To declutter my apt.
To reorganize my finances.
To become debt-free.
Travel to Oregon.
To date.
To meet 10 new people.
To make 5 new friends.
To attend church every Sunday for a month.
To read my bible through in a year.
To go back to school and get my bachelors degree.
To have a healthy, serious relationship with a man.
To save $100.
To save $500.
To save $1000.
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Fears

 

 

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  jojosgrl

Fri, Aug 22 05:00 PM

Fears

 I guess it has taken a while for Coach Steele's lesson on fears to sink in.  I have surrendered a great deal of my life to fear.  I have isolated myself in the name of safety and security.  In fact, for a while my mantra was the three s's-safety, security, and stability.  I convinced myself that if I could achieve those, everything would be great.  It turned out to be that actually by isolating myself for safety and security reasons, I was sabotaging any chances of stability I had.  And it wasn't even real.  Fear controlled every aspect of my life, to the point where there were days I was even afraid to go out my door.  Then I lost my jobs, lost my health, and lost my hearing temporarily.  Talk about fear!  I wouldn't go outside without someone else unless there absolutely was no other option.  People would come up behind me and touch me before I would even know they were there.  I only went out alone in the safety of my locked car.  And I was so afraid my hearing would never return.  Looking for work again was the hardest thing I have done recently, because I felt extremely vulnerable and incapable.  But I did it, and I got hired, and I am still working there.  Then I had the breakthrough...if I let myself, fear will consume me and keep me from accomplishing everything.  I made myself a prisoner of my own fear.  I hid behind it, used it as an excuse, and basically gave it total control of my life.  Now I am taking back control, and it becomes less of a struggle every day.  I still feel it sometimes, but I just embrace it now and act right through it.  It doesn't paralyze me anymore.  I still have moments, but I realize that I will be safer, and more secure and stable being in control of my life, not letting fear control me.  The saddest thing is that I hear it in my children now as well.  I think that I will direct them to Tools.  There are serious lessons here for all of us.  The good news is that I now talk to people again, and exercise, and work towards goals.  Thank God for Tools and Coach Steele.

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