Bump Day

 I am on day 22 - "Bump Day." The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I spent the majority of the day in a major funk, feeling sorry for myself, lonely and uncared for. Basically, my attitude was "who cares, it doesn't matter anyway." And so I didn't do any of the productive, positive things on the checklist or that I had planned. There was nothing in particular that caused this funk. Everyone around me is just busy with their own lives and the loneliness just seemed to hit me hard today. After reading today's chapter, I thought about the actual situation. I do have many friends and people who care for me. But even if I didn't, there are only 2 choices: feel sorry for myself or get up and do something about it. It's no one else's responsibility to make sure I am happy. I have a hard time with that - taking the responsibility for my own happiness. But even in the worst of circumstances, I believe we have the choice to react in the best manner. And if my negative thoughts actually were true (which for the most part they are not), I could go volunteer. I could go to a dance club. I could "find the opportunity" to learn more about myself in my solitude or to learn how to meet people and make friends. I don't know how I can avoid this deep self-pity trap in the future. It seems like I don't really think logically or I could cheer myself up. But sometimes I think I want to be miserable and wallow just a bit longer in pity. Maybe if I can at least be consistent in logging in, something will trigger me to stop the self-pity and think logically.

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