Getting knocked down and getting up

i loved going through this day chapter and brain training article.i m doing this last thing in the day in a way putting my day to rest and picking up some positive vibes i somehow get from coming here.

still wasnt an easy day work was not possible i did manage to do the gratday affirmation and relaxation but then i just didnt leave bed for another 2 hours.i made up excuses?u bet.i had a migraine..i am struggling with this emotional resistance.i m experinceing a relapse its true that alle these are true but they still remain excuses stopping me from being myself and living the life i want.

one thing i managed to do is my evaning walk. it was about 30min but i just know walking outdoors always work for me so the day wasnt great but i walked and that was great.

i still dont have a real income because of my inconisistency in anything i undertake, i m broke .i am overweight but i belive somehow this is the first time i allow my life .its uncertainity.for smeone like me and with my family background leaving a lifelong secure job is something huge.even when i was miserable in my job i never allowed myself to even imagine such change.so yes i am to my horror in a total uncertainity and yes i am scared but i m refusing to withdraw no matter how paralysed with fear i may be it will pass and i ll move on.even in the releam of relationships i m in a total uncertainity.there is someone i like yet it stir my negativity that i usually withdraw and end a relationship and stay single and even lonely instead of stay with the uncertainity of an unfolding new relationship.

for the first time it occurs to me that what people say about being in bad relationship for so long make it hard to get out of it even if they are miserable .the same is true for me as sancrelationship.u see without relationship i m lonely and miss the sharing the fun even the heartache yet because i have been alone for too long i d rather wear my pjs and watch a romantic movie then commit to a real relationship wth possibilities.so getting out of this misery and taking risk of relationship is as diffcult as leaving a bad one.so i m swimming way further then i have ever dared in my whole life and i wont lie its scary for me now instead of exciting.i want to change that:)

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