it never occured to me to actually test things for myself.i was more or less the kind of woman who believe in others saying this is good or this is bad.i do have my own opinion when it come to movies i like.food i eat and even places i go to but i never thought the same about life laws. for years i have been aware of what may be described as conditioned beliefs.beliefs that i didnt chose nor that i even think about i took them for granted because i have been brought up with them even without being aware of it.
for years i read and even tried to figure out for myself my real beliefs yet i didnt really had the courage to test these things for myself.
i grow up in a middle claas family with both parents working and a fulltime job was suppose to be my sole ambition.
i grew up with the notion that money always come through salaried jobs other wise its wrong.i grew up with the notion that there must be something wrong even deep down with rich people.
i grew up with the idea that life is a struggle and everything either its work, marriage having family is more suffering then joy.
i knew all this for years realizing there are other ways of thinking and yet other ways of beliving yet it was very hard to let go of beliefs u grew up with.its strange but i felt uncomfortable with more postive beliefs and when i i started chosing the belief that life doesnt have to be a struggle and not suffering and that rarely had to do with money. i felt i was betraying my family.
i come from a strange convention that lack of money was the reason for all problems yet it was also the sole reason for a family to stay together..and that just doesnt make sense.
as i grew up i found others with less money yet much more happier in life and enjoying it only to start questioning thats being happy or not is not about money.
i also grew up with the idea that security is above everything else in life. about happiness above really enjoying life and living.u just get a secure job and a secure marriage and thats all that life is about.
for years know i have started questining these conventions but i never thought nor had the courage to actually test them .to even defy them.deep down a part within me simply cant belive in suffering and holds that being happy, really happy is what counts more then security and if i happen to have a family i want my children to know this. that life is breath takingly beautiful and we r suppose to live it fully . enjoy it and living our own truth not merely staying safe in the shadows being miserable.so this is my challenge now to dare have my own beliefs and test them.
comments
doesnt it feel good to lay it out there !!
blogging is so good to help address our self-beliefs...sounds like you are on a route towards some deeper change.